 We live in a world full of war and poverty, injustice, greed, and death. Many of my friends have stopped watching the news because it's just too depressing. In the writing class I took several months ago, we spoke often of how weary we all were with the seeming bombardment of "bad news". On a smaller, but much more personal scale, it's easy enough to become overwhelmed with the stresses of our own lives. How do we combat this and find a way to live a happy life? It's on us to find ways to shuck those burdens we all must carry. Today I did that by spending most of my time outdoors savoring the beautiful spring weather. I cleaned "winter" off my deck, bought things that grow, stuck my hands in rich dirt and let the simple joy of planting herbs and flowers soothe my worries. My nails are a fright, but I've had a smile on my face most of the day. I'd call that a pretty fair trade! Perhaps we wallow in the difficulties of life because it requires less work. Lifting ourselves up out of life's muck can be a challenge that often we're just too lazy to meet. It's much easier to plop down in the middle of our own pity party and complain. I've found, though, that the rewards for digging myself out of that state of mind are well worth the work involved! Do we live in a horrible world, mankind a blight on this blue planet, or do we live in a world full of wonder and hope? It's all a matter of perspective, right?! I'm kind of partial to the legendary Louis Armstrong's thoughts, shared below! What a wonderful world!
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 Image@imgarcade.com "In the spring, at the end of the day, you should smell like dirt." ~Margaret Atwood
As I went about the business of enjoying my weekend, one thing I couldn't stop marveling about were the green buds and delicate flowers popping up all over town. The Dogwood are in wild bloom, trees are just starting to sport their green, and grass growing is in full swing. It's kind of silly that I garner so much pleasure in something that happens year after year. Why do I do that? Why does every spring feel like days over-flowing with miracles? They're just trees, flowers and grass that will have to be mowed! My yard is full of clovers an violets, otherwise known as weeds to the meticulous gardener. To me, though, they are Hope, as I watch dead patches come to life in bursts of soft colour. Winter yields his mighty grip, and all of these sleeping wonders become vibrantly alive. My heart remembers feeling this way. My mind goes back to dark, hopelessly cold times, where I thought I'd never be warm again, feel beauty again, or remember the promise that no matter how bleak the winter might be, spring IS coming. I am also aware that before long, spring too must yield to the sticky, sweltering heat of summer, her much more blistering passionate sister. Summer will provide a different kind of joy, one that melts like chocolate on hot fingers, but not today. Today a warm breeze with just a hint of chill is blowing around sweet smells of new growing things and it is divine. My senses approve; my soul approves.  Image @ gdirectory.org "In the midst of winter, I found there was within me an invincible sunshine." ~author Unknown
It's been a scary week. While contemplating topics for today's article, I kept coming back to all the people and things I'm grateful for and decided to finish this chapter of my life on a positive note. It is easy to allow the squeaky wheels of fear, anxiety, anger or despair to be the biggest noise, but much more worthwhile to permit the "happy" to drown them out! The list below is mostly comprised of highlights from this week, all of them getting an A+ in my book (with a big, fun sticker on top)! A's List of A Pluses: ...people in my Tribe lending me their strength when I need it ...a note saying, "I love you", left for me at the perfect moment ...an email filled with kindness, telling me my writing has touched someone ...a text reminding me I'm not alone ...a Facebook post from someone special to me that makes me smile ..."Likes" that say "I'm with you, girl" ...tight hugs from my daughters ...happy laughter ...medical staff that truly care about patients and offer them comfort ...my daughter's gentle hands, as she removed my bandages with love and care ...love words that said, "Let me kiss all your 'owies'" ...big patches of violets growing in my yard ...clean rain that makes the grass a wild, vibrant green and coaxes flower buds from the trees ...strawberry Nutrigrain bars ...healing naps ...long-distance kisses ...good news, i.e. my first grandbaby is a little boy (who's healthy, the doctor giving him a thumbs up) ...tender words of encouragement from the love of my life ...unexpected phone calls that make me happy ...a job I love ...the weekend ahead of me, full of untapped potential By sharing my list with you, I hope it will help to inspire your own. May your weekend be safe, fun, and full of blessings! Love, A.  A Shield of Violets
by Amy M. Schaefer A simpler time, a small girl's dream... A field of violets, burst forth in Spring... Imagination creates a crown... While day after day her innocence drowns. The gentle breeze dries all her tears... Those delicate flowers calming her fears... But their pretty stems wither before she sleeps... The stars, however, a silent vigil will keep. As she climbs into her frilly bed... A pillow tucked beneath her head... The violet crown, crushed like a prayer in her tiny hand... She fights the horrors her dreams command. Her shield, a flower... No match for what comes in the midnight hour... Someday she will learn how to rob Fear of its power... And remember a childhood with purple-stained palms.  Image@loomee.blogspot.com Country music whispered softly through the speakers as I sat on a chair that was leaned nearly all the way back, my head surrounded by sterile towels. The preparations for the procedure I was about to have happened in a bustle of activity and then I was left alone. It wasn't long, perhaps a total of three minutes, but long enough to give me time to panic. "What if something goes wrong?" I thought. "What if it's worse than they know, or than they want to tell me?" "What if there are other cancerous moles on me that haven't been identified, yet?" The questions became more dire as they flooded my mind, my eyes filling with tears while I fought hard not to completely lose my shit. Three minutes seems like forever when you're having trouble keeping it together! Suddenly the doctor and medical staff were back, masks on and ready to get down to the business of making me better. One of the medical team came close and took my hand. "It's going to be okay," he said gently. I squeezed his hand in response and nodded. Another member of the staff reached for my other hand, while everyone talked around and to me...about football and baseball and warmer whether. "Going to feel a little stick here," the doctor told me, but the flurry of conversation continued and I barely noticed. I was telling everyone about my Jason Varitek celeb crush while the doctor was cutting away the cancer from behind my ear. Once the first round of cutting was done, I was shaking. The thought of sitting in the waiting room for the results was just too much, so I asked my husband if we could take a walk. We took the stairs instead of the elevator and slowly made our way around the parking lot, which was lined with trees. I focused on the sounds of birdsong, the feel of his hand in mine, and the good vibes I knew were being sent by friends and family while I faced this frightening experience. The cancer on my neck took three sessions before all of it was finally removed, and by the time I got the all clear, my nerves were frazzled. While the doctor gently stitched my wounds closed, I said to the nurse, "He has been so tender and gentle. It really helped." She laughed, "That's his nature. We're all onto him, here. He's a real marshmallow." He growled in protest, "I am not!" I said, "Hmmm. That nickname suits you," and he laughed. Finally, it was done. I got the all clear, was instructed on how to care for my wounds, and told to go have a nice meal, which I was more than ready for after a day filled with frightening things. What strikes me the most about this entire ordeal is the out-pouring of love...from my Tribe and a medical staff who treated me with warmth and kindness every step of the way. So many people letting me know I'm not alone, assuring me that whatever was coming, they'd love me through it. I am humbled to be surrounded by such wonderful people and happy beyond words to have first hand knowledge of just how much goodness is left STILL in the world. It is a lesson I won't forget. Thanks for all of you who love me through...all the stuff life throws at me.  I was halfway listening to The Today Show this morning while putting on my make-up and getting ready for work. They were talking about the next presidential election and I groaned. My first thought was, "Bring on the bombardment of political ads. Yay (...sarcasm dripping like maple syrup from my lips)." As I listened to them ramble, however, it didn't take long for me to become completely disgusted. We have a government that can't seem to get along and nobody holding them accountable. This party or that seems to fight for whatever agenda suits their purpose, oblivious to what is best for "everyone". The constant bickering, bad decisions, and same ol' same ol' story is beyond maddening! Call me crazy, but I don't give a rat's patoot about political parties! When it comes to the laundry list of "political issues", I'm an item-by-item-opinion kind of girl (whose mind has never been swayed by any political ad in the history of those buggers). I've learned over the years that my opinion about various issues, however, is so small it's like a lone grain of sand lost on a world of nothing but sandy beaches. This does not deter me from being aware of and involved in local politics, showing up to vote when it's time to do so, and paying attention to the issues. The impact I have on said issues is debatable, but I haven't allowed that to hinder me from taking responsibility for my miniscule part.
Is it wrong that I dream of a world where we, as a people, work towards the greater good of all living things? Is it naive to think that the existence of such a world is even possible? Turn on any news show, read any political article and it would certainly seem as if those things won't be happening any time soon. Nobody would think twice if I just gave in to cynicism, or worse, just focused on my own Tribe, my needs, my life, and pretended as if I wasn't a part of a bigger picture outside of my "Amy Bubble". I couldn't, however, look myself in the eyes each morning if I abandoned Hope for a better world and buried my head in the sands of frustration. My voice may be little, but I will keep lending it to what I believe is a greater good. The more voices added to my own...and suddenly together we're making a BIG noise!  Image @ readmedeadly.com Some of my monsters look like "Fear" and "Worry", "Anxiety" and "Vulnerability". They don't live in the fleshy world, but that doesn't make them feel any less real. I am reminded of them because of what I'm facing over the next few days, and have been living with for the past several months. Cancer. Such a scary word. I remember talking with Mama Schaefer about it frequently, especially after my father was diagnosed. I wanted her insight on how to help him because she understood first hand what he was going through. She told me that when the doctors first delivered her lung cancer diagnosis, she didn't really hear anything they said afterwards, her mind going in too many fearful directions at once. After she'd had time to let it settle, one thing she said she adamantly didn't want to do was talk about it. She said it was bad enough having it stuck in her head all the time, and didn't want it to also dominate her daily conversations! Talking about it, for me, obviously doesn't change the fact that I have it, but it does help take the sting out a little.
In January I was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma. On Tuesday of next week I'm having surgery to remove the cancerous spots. This means I have the entire weekend to wrestle with the monsters I mentioned above, an activity I do not relish at all! I find ways to distract myself, and I'm actually pretty good at doing that, but the one time of day that always gets me is that time right before sleep. The world is quiet, distractions put away, and all I'm left with are those monsters in my mind that twist me up into a million knots (...which usually also makes my ability to sleep QUITE difficult). I share these thoughts with you now because I know many others who are struggling with the same fears, to lesser and much worse degrees and every spot in between. Before sleep takes me each night over the next few days, it is you I'll be mentally reaching for...calling forth all the names I know who may also be trapped by the Fear Monster. In this way, perhaps we won't have to face the dark alone. May your weekend be full of blessings and love, and may you have at least one someone, your "Person", who's not afraid to stand with you and face monsters. Sincerely, A.  Image@1stfun.com...I am SO doing this soon! Remember when the most important decision you had to make was whether you were going to play superheroes (...while wearing your awesome bathroom towel cape), or build a sheet fort in the living room and watch cartoons (...seriously, Looney Tunes were THE best)? I'm sitting here eating animal crackers and wondering why being a grown-up has to be so flippin' complicated! Maybe it's really not and I'm doing it wrong. It's possible I'm the one responsible for making it such a ridiculous quagmire of heavy duty stuff. Honestly, the older I get, the more I appreciate the carefree joys that children instinctively gravitate towards. I swear sometimes I've been so serious at this whole grown-up business that I can't even stand being around myself! I miss play! I miss a childhood I barely got to have, one I traded in for adult problems and responsibilities. Don't get me wrong, being responsible still matters very much to me, but isn't there some kind of balance to be had between the two worlds? If there is, I am by God determined to find it. There is a little girl inside of me just chompin' at the bit to be released from the Time-Out Punishment of being an adult. She wants to get covered in mud (although grown-up me WILL have to clean that mess up), wear a pink tu-tu over her jeans to the store, and run around the house naked way after bedtime, eating cookies and belting out random Disney tunes! OH! And play with fingerpaints! God, I miss fingerpaints! Grown-up me has stuff to do that makes little me clap her hands and giggle happily! Okay, we still have to cook dinner and stuff, but maybe once in awhile dinner can be Spaghetti-o's and Swiss Cake Rolls!  Image@halloweencostumeideas.com  "In the eyes of a child you will see...the world as it should be." ~author Unknown
My oldest daughter is growing a new little person inside her and naturally she has a lot of questions. This is her first baby, so everything she's experiencing now is new. Yesterday when she came home from class, she went to the fridge to find something to eat, all the while grumbling about being hungry all the time and everything giving her indigestion or heartburn. Hand on the refrigerator door, she turns to me and says, "Mom, is having a baby worth it?" I'm used to her easy questions, like "Do I look fat? (...which of course she doesn't) or "Is it safe for me to eat this?" Somehow, though, this question seemed extremely important...so I took my time looking for just the right words. Finally, I said to her: "Parenting never ends. You worry about your child as much when they're grown as you did when they were little. Only, when they're little, you can boss them around to make them do 'right'. Once they're grown, ya just gotta let them do what they're going to do and hold them tight, be there for them when things go wrong. Being a parent is HARD...the hardest thing you'll ever do in your whole life. But trust me, it's worth it for those fortunate enough to experience it first hand. Why is it worth it? Because baby kisses are heart-melting, slobbery bits of pure J-O-Y! Because bedtime stories are just as much fun when you're grown-up as they are when you're a kid. It's worth it because parenting is a constant reminder of what a precious treat nap times and cookies can be. It's worth it because no other experience can truly solidify the definition of unconditional love for you when you have little arms wrapped around your neck that first time." My daughter is going to be a wonderful mother...kind, patient, tender, loving and strong. It won't be easy, this path she's chosen for herself, but it will be worth it. I can't wait to meet the little person she's about to introduce to the world. And I am eager to shower him or her with hugs, kisses, and love, while marveling at the complete wonder of the Universe that helped create such a magical creature!  "Kiss me, I'm Irish...well, like 1/16th, but that counts, right?!" ~A. Dad told me once that my Grandpa Charlie (his father) used to say, "I'd rather be lucky than good any day!" I've never been particularly lucky, so instead I've worked hard at being "good" (...in regards to things I CAN actually be good at; anything sports related, besides spectating spectacularly, and I'm out!). Perhaps part of the problem with my lack of a luck mojo is the fact that I only have a tiny bit o' Irish in me. Are the Irish more lucky than most? Maybe when I make my trek to Ireland, someone will fill me in on the answer to that question...hopefully, while sitting in a noisy local pub, where there's beer, music, and good stories a'plenty! As people around the globe find ways today to celebrate St. Paddy's Day, it occurs to me I don't need any Leprechaun's pot of gold (...even though finding one would expedite my travel plans). I've learned how to make my own luck and the people in my Tribe are worth more to me than all the pots of gold ever found at the end of any rainbow! Now, where's that glass of green beer? Sláinte! |
About The Author
I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter. Archives
August 2021
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