Amy M. Schaefer
  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery

From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
Button Text

The Temporary, & the Forever

7/7/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
One of my favorite writers...Oriah Mountain Dreamer
The words, they jumble in my head, stacking up against one another like some wild five o'clock traffic jam on a big city highway. So much noise, I have forgotten what peace sounds like. I try to muffle the sounds among the daily inane, but to no avail. My pleasures are simple, while my mind remains...complicated. Alone in the dark at the end of the day, I can almost catch that moment of elusive peace, and then the dark does what it always does, becomes a place where all things converge even louder, the buffers of an average day no longer in the way.

Alone in bed, much, much later, the past, the present, the future converge there atop my soft pillow. I force myself to breathe, focus on the soft whir of the ceiling fan above me and pick apart one by one the reels of life-clips playing in my head. It has taken me years to finally convince myself that I'm no longer living a life that is temporary. And yet, of course I am, we all are. I can feel time gaining speed, and wonder, not for the first time, "Who am I? Why am I here? What does my presence on this rock hurtling through space mean, anyway?"

It is quite startling to realize that most people, places, and things are temporary, especially for a woman with a hopelessly romantic soul who's also not a big fan of change. It is also disconcerting to know that no matter how surrounded by others we may be, we truly face every single moment of our lives alone. I am dangerous to myself when left alone in my head for too long. I also have a tendency to get easily bored, which has frequently led to me pushing my "crazy button" just to see what would happen. This, of course, takes me back around to how my post began...in the noise, full of a cacophony of thoughts. I think it's easier for me to be "still" when chaos reigns around me, outside of me. It is when I become my most focused on what's deeply important. It is when I'm most likely to discard the "dead weight" of burdens I should have let go of long before I finally do.

That realization has hit me like a lightning bolt and it is in that moment of clarity where I find the one way in which I am most like my mother. There have been times over the last twenty years that she's come to me in just this way, wild and free with crystal clarity. Some discoveries are painful, while others give me great comfort and make me feel less disconnected. Unraveling the mystery of who I am, why I obsess over the things I do, is a journey in discovering where I come from, who I come from. And while I am fully aware that the people, places, and things that I love are indeed quite temporary, the powerful love that has connected me to them...that is one of those rare "forevers".
0 Comments

    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

    Archives

    August 2021
    March 2020
    August 2019
    June 2019
    March 2019
    November 2018
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    December 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014

    Categories
    A View From the Hill: Short Stories by Mattie Hill Shields

    All

    Button Text

    RSS Feed

    View my profile on LinkedIn
Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery