Amy M. Schaefer
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From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
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I'll Love You Through It

3/25/2015

4 Comments

 
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Country music whispered softly through the speakers as I sat on a chair that was leaned nearly all the way back, my head surrounded by sterile towels. The preparations for the procedure I was about to have happened in a bustle of activity and then I was left alone. It wasn't long, perhaps a total of three minutes, but long enough to give me time to panic. "What if something goes wrong?" I thought. "What if it's worse than they know, or than they want to tell me?" "What if there are other cancerous moles on me that haven't been identified, yet?" The questions became more dire as they flooded my mind, my eyes filling with tears while I fought hard not to completely lose my shit. Three minutes seems like forever when you're having trouble keeping it together!

Suddenly the doctor and medical staff were back, masks on and ready to get down to the business of making me better. One of the medical team came close and took my hand. "It's going to be okay," he said gently. I squeezed his hand in response and nodded. Another member of the staff reached for my other hand, while everyone talked around and to me...about football and baseball and warmer whether. "Going to feel a little stick here," the doctor told me, but the flurry of conversation continued and I barely noticed. I was telling everyone about my Jason Varitek celeb crush while the doctor was cutting away the cancer from behind my ear. Once the first round of cutting was done, I was shaking. The thought of sitting in the waiting room for the results was just too much, so I asked my husband if we could take a walk. We took the stairs instead of the elevator and slowly made our way around the parking lot, which was lined with trees. I focused on the sounds of birdsong, the feel of his hand in mine, and the good vibes I knew were being sent by friends and family while I faced this frightening experience.  The cancer on my neck took three sessions before all of it was finally removed, and by the time I got the all clear, my nerves were frazzled. While the doctor gently stitched my wounds closed, I said to the nurse, "He has been so tender and gentle. It really helped." She laughed, "That's his nature. We're all onto him, here. He's a real marshmallow." He growled in protest, "I am not!"  I said, "Hmmm. That nickname suits you," and he laughed. Finally, it was done. I got the all clear, was instructed on how to care for my wounds, and told to go have a nice meal, which I was more than ready for after a day filled with frightening things.

What strikes me the most about this entire ordeal is the out-pouring of love...from my Tribe and a medical staff who treated me with warmth and kindness every step of the way. So many people letting me know I'm not alone, assuring me that whatever was coming, they'd love me through it. I am humbled to be surrounded by such wonderful people and happy beyond words to have first hand knowledge of just how much goodness is left STILL in the world. It is a lesson I won't forget. Thanks for all of you who love me through...all the stuff life throws at me.
4 Comments
Michelle
3/25/2015 06:19:29 am

The one thing that gave me goose bumps in this whole blog was

"The thought of sitting in the waiting room for the results was just too much, so I asked my husband if we could take a walk"

I am not sure why, my eyes got teary. I know that anything that I have had to go through, wait on results for, go "under" for my DeWayne has been right by me telling me that we will do it together. Once when I was called back for a second mammogram, I asked him to come with me as the doctor said they would know the results right then from the second scan....I was sitting in the room, putting my upper clothes back on and I asked the technician that if they were going to tell me any bad news, I'd like my husband to be with me....it was the longest 5.2 minutes of my life, and while there was thankfully no news that he needed to be there for, he came in anyway....and just seeing him there, I knew everything was gonna be alright.....There is just a certain safety net that is always around me when I know he's got my back....in 30 years, we've been through a lot of good and bad...sometimes I want to strangle his neck, other times I pray to God to bring him home from foreign countries....but ALL of the time, I am SO blessed and thankful that God gave him to me....cause I know without him, I'd be lost!!! I love you Amy and I am glad that Brad is with you....for better or worse!! <3

Reply
Amy M. Schaefer
4/23/2015 05:22:07 am

So, I'm sitting here reading through this again and crying like I did the first time I read it because so many MANY times over the years I felt so bone-crushingly alone and it was exhausting. When I share an article and people respond, it feels as if I've always had this invisible Army at my back, quietly whispering, "We're with you. Don't be scared." The voices have been so quiet, my mind so loud that I didn't hear them until now and it's like getting the best gift that you didn't even know you wanted until you opened it up!

I'm over the Moon with joy that you're my sister! I love you.

Reply
Michelle
4/27/2015 07:46:06 am

Boy, that was a long ole month to wait for your reply. I was not sure if I offended you or if you thought maybe I was stealing your thunder from your story. We have so much in common, it's breathtakingly scary to me....it's like we really are sisters from another mister!!!! I love you, too and I am so honored to call you my ya-ya!!!!

Reply
Amy Marie Schaefer
4/27/2015 07:50:27 am

Hahaha. ...of course I wouldn't think you're stealing my thunder and it's not possible for you to offend me, babe. This one just took me awhile to find the right words that would settle because it's so emotionally charged for me. I was too close to it at first and my mind was overloaded with so many different feelings.

Love you, Always. ..
A.




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    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

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  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery