I'll Love You Through It

Image@loomee.blogspot.com

Country music whispered softly through the speakers as I sat on a chair that was leaned nearly all the way back, my head surrounded by sterile towels. The preparations for the procedure I was about to have happened in a bustle of activity and then I was left alone. It wasn't long, perhaps a total of three minutes, but long enough to give me time to panic. "What if something goes wrong?" I thought. "What if it's worse than they know, or than they want to tell me?" "What if there are other cancerous moles on me that haven't been identified, yet?" The questions became more dire as they flooded my mind, my eyes filling with tears while I fought hard not to completely lose my shit. Three minutes seems like forever when you're having trouble keeping it together!

Suddenly the doctor and medical staff were back, masks on and ready to get down to the business of making me better. One of the medical team came close and took my hand. "It's going to be okay," he said gently. I squeezed his hand in response and nodded. Another member of the staff reached for my other hand, while everyone talked around and to me...about football and baseball and warmer whether. "Going to feel a little stick here," the doctor told me, but the flurry of conversation continued and I barely noticed. I was telling everyone about my Jason Varitek celeb crush while the doctor was cutting away the cancer from behind my ear. Once the first round of cutting was done, I was shaking. The thought of sitting in the waiting room for the results was just too much, so I asked my husband if we could take a walk. We took the stairs instead of the elevator and slowly made our way around the parking lot, which was lined with trees. I focused on the sounds of birdsong, the feel of his hand in mine, and the good vibes I knew were being sent by friends and family while I faced this frightening experience.  The cancer on my neck took three sessions before all of it was finally removed, and by the time I got the all clear, my nerves were frazzled. While the doctor gently stitched my wounds closed, I said to the nurse, "He has been so tender and gentle. It really helped." She laughed, "That's his nature. We're all onto him, here. He's a real marshmallow." He growled in protest, "I am not!"  I said, "Hmmm. That nickname suits you," and he laughed. Finally, it was done. I got the all clear, was instructed on how to care for my wounds, and told to go have a nice meal, which I was more than ready for after a day filled with frightening things.

What strikes me the most about this entire ordeal is the out-pouring of love...from my Tribe and a medical staff who treated me with warmth and kindness every step of the way. So many people letting me know I'm not alone, assuring me that whatever was coming, they'd love me through it. I am humbled to be surrounded by such wonderful people and happy beyond words to have first hand knowledge of just how much goodness is left STILL in the world. It is a lesson I won't forget. Thanks for all of you who love me through...all the stuff life throws at me.