 I am having the weirdest day! 2014 has decided it wants to go out with a seriously outrageous "BANG"! Have a safe and happy New Year's Eve and first day of 2015. See everyone back here on Friday.
Love, A.
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 "Girls, I see all that is good and right about the Universe in your eyes." ~Mom. As my daughters struggle with the stark reality of being "all grow'd up", my first instinct is to protect them from every damn thing that knocks them down and kicks them in the teeth. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way, no matter how much we wish it did. Responsible, loving parents know that no matter how painful it is to do so, we must shove our baby birds out of the nest so that they can learn to fly on their own, while we sit back, cheering them on and holding our collective breaths in the hopes that the aches and pains incurred won't be too God-awful. It is a heartbreaking and helpless feeling to watch our children, no matter how old they are, in pain. The secret to surviving it, however, is to have faith in the foundation you've helped them build and the knowledge that truly amazing things often arise from the ashes of broken things. My oldest daughter shared the video below with me awhile back, saying it reminded her of her Mama. I share it (again) with all of you now in hopes that it will inspire you, whatever struggles you are facing. And to my daughters, specifically...I will always be your "Point B". "Here's the truth; your situation is never permanent. It's what you make it. Life isn't solid, it's fluid. It changes." ~Your Inner Sparkle  "Dreaming permits each and every one of us to be quietly and safely insane every night of our lives." ~William Dement
My sleep is often filled with extremely vivid dreams. This can be amazing, terrifying, extremely frustrating and every nuance in between, as there is often no method to my dream madness. It can also leave me feeling exhausted when I wake up, as if I'd been super busy all night instead of actually sleeping (which drives me crazy)! I can't make myself dream things I'd like, nor can I control the nights when my mind conjures up images that are frighteningly real and stay with me long after I've woken up. There is also no predicting who or what will show up in my dreams on any given night, ergo frequently I wake up and think, "What in the world made me dream about ______ (insert random person or scenario here)?" For the last several days my sleep has been rocked by some pretty powerful dreams that have stayed with me well after I woke up; so in light of that I thought I'd share some interesting facts about dreams. Today, my "happy" is that when I close my eyes at night, my mind opens up to opportunities that frequently inspire me, which is why I keep a "Dream Journal" by my bed. I am also grateful that my really scary dreams don't come true. From the article: 7 Mind-Bending Facts About Dreams Jeanna Bryner, LiveScience Managing Editor http://www.livescience.com/17290-facts-dreams-nightmares.html "Psychologists' interpretations of the meaning of dreams vary widely," study researcher Carey Morewedge, an assistant professor at Carnegie Mellon University, said in a statement. "But our research shows that people believe their dreams provide meaningful insight into themselves and their world." Scientists have long wondered why we dream, with answers ranging from Sigmund Freud's idea that dreams fulfill our wishes to the speculation that these wistful journeys are just a side rapid-eye-movement, or REM, sleep. Turns out, at least part of the reason may be critical thinking, according to Harvard psychologist Deirdre Barrett who presented her theory in 2010 at the Association for Psychological Science meeting in Boston. She has found that our slumbering hours may help us solve puzzles that have plagued us during daylight hours. No surprise here, men are more likely than women to dream about sex. And comparing notes in the morning may not be a turn on for either guys or gals, as women are more likely to have experienced nightmares, according to doctoral research reported in 2009 by psychologist Jennie Parker of the University of the West of England. In her study of nearly 200 men and women, ages 18 to 25, Parker found that women's nightmares could be broadly divided into three categories: fearful dreams (being chased or life threatened), dreams involving the loss of a loved one, or confused dreams. According to Jayne Gackenbach, a psychologist at Grant MacEwan University in Canada, video gamers are more adept at lucid dreaming. "If you're spending hours a day in a virtual reality, if nothing else it's practice," Gackenbach told LiveScience in 2010. "Gamers are used to controlling their game environments, so that can translate into dreams." Her past research has shown that people who frequently play video games are more likely than non-gamers to have lucid dreams where they view themselves from outside their bodies; they also were better able to influence their dream worlds, as if controlling a video-game character. That level of control may also help gamers turn a bloodcurdling nightmare into a carefree dream, she found in a 2008 study. This bar of sorts against nightmares could help war veterans suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) after combat, Gackenbach reasons.  "It doesn't matter if it's a relationship, a lifestyle, or a job. If it doesn't make you happy, let it go." ~curiano.com
I'm not a New Year's Resolution making kind of girl. For one, I know I won't stick with them if I did make them. And two, New Year's Resolutions make me feel like I am locked in this cycle of change that only comes along once a year, when I think we should be open to change at any given moment. Not that change is easy...it can and usually is extremely difficult and I frequently have to be dragged into kicking and screaming, but I think it is necessary if we wish to truly live a happy life. Breaking cycles of bad habits is healthy. Getting rid of things and/or relationships that aren't good for us is healing. Cleaning the dusty bones of skeletons out of our closets removes stale doubts, fears and mistakes from our lives. Living a life that is in a constant flux of change can be extremely disconcerting, but I'm learning how to embrace it and adjust my balance to suit whatever transformations occur. Some years ago, my husband began the tradition of naming each new year, and I've become a staunch fan of this "theme-setting" idea. I like having a direction for the 365 days that are stretched out ahead of me. This year was dubbed "A Fresh Start" and I can think of at least a hundred big and little ways it has applied to 2014. Some of them were painful, but all have rippled like a stone dropped into a lake with positive benefits that spread out over the days they touched. At midnight this New Year's Eve, I will be the one choosing the name of the year to come for the first time. I've been thinking about it for weeks and am very excited! In the hours, days and months of 2015, I intend to remain focused on the "theme"...one thing, layered over top of all others, to give me guidance and clear direction. May your final weekend of 2014 be a memorable one (...although no phoning me for bail money). As for a "new year, new me" mentality...yeah, I don't think so. I'm just getting to know the current, REAL me. I won't be trading her in for a new one, although I might just add more body art to her flesh (...the picture above is high on the tattoo possibility list). *Compass from jlewis0293.wordpress.com.  "The Universe is always speaking to us...sending us little messages, causing coincidences and serendipities, reminding us to stop, to look around, to believe in something else, something more." ~Nancy Thayer I have been on the most incredible journey with all of you for the last nine months! I want to take the time to say thank you to all who come back day after day, reading my articles and sending me messages of encouragement, understanding, and love. Many of you have read some or all of the books I've published this year, shared them and my site with others, and given me feedback that is helpful and makes my whole heart happy (...and to my brother-in-law, who when I told him I'd just published my third book responded with, "I'll take two," I am still wearing the huge smile you gave me!). The members of the church Aunt Mattie attended have embraced A View from the Hill with open arms and magical words that totally set fire to my drive and I'm sure have her smiling from Heaven! When I decided not to wait another day to fulfill my lifelong dream of being a writer, I was afraid of the unknown. Would I be successful? Did I have something to say that was worth the time it would take for someone else to read my words? There were so many things about doing this that I didn't know. MAN, what a learning curve it's been (..I have so much more to learn, but it's not as frightening anymore)! I couldn't have come this far without those of you who inspire, love, and support me, while continuing to cheer me on. I'd have never gotten this career off the ground at all without Mama Schaefer, who shoved me out of the nest and told me to fly! I can't wait to see what happens next! During this holiday season, I wish all of you peace, love, and joy. Hold tight to those who matter to you. Set aside hurts, anger, and cultivate relationships that bring you happiness. May your blessings be many, your sorrows few, and your light bright enough to inspire others. I also want to give a special thank you to all who keep us safe...military, police, fire fighters and their families. You have my unwavering love, prayers, and support. Always, A. Note: I will not be writing articles for 24 and 25 December. See you all back here on Friday!   Some people talk to their departed loved ones at their grave site, while others do so in prayers. For me, I often write them letters when the things I need to say get so backed up in my mind I can no longer hold all of the thoughts at bay. Today is one of those days. This is a Letter to Heaven for my mother Leslie, who died on 7 October 1997. Dear Mom, You would have been sixty-four today and I know it would have made you grumpy. You wouldn't have liked getting older at all, but the selfish part of me wishes you'd stuck around longer. I always get lost in thoughts about you during special times throughout the year; your birthday is the strongest, the ache of your absence almost as raw as that first year I spent without you. It's cold, cold, cold and rainy outside today and reminds me of the day I lost my son, especially since loss was already on my mind. It rained for three days when I miscarried him, and I felt as if even the sky was weeping with the sorrow of his passing. Perhaps today it's weeping for all who have joined you in Heaven. It comforts me to know that he has you and others watching over him, and fills me with joy to imagine all of you watching over us. The meaning of Christmas has changed for me so much over the years, mom. I remember one of the last Christmases we had together, you told me not to ask for any presents from grandma because if she spent money on us, she'd have less to spend on the rest of you. I don't think you understood that the most precious gift I had was being able to be with all of you. Physical things meant little to me then, and even less now. In fact, I'd gladly give up ever receiving another gift in exchange for time with you, my son, and others lost to me now in this life. "Things" can be special, but they don't matter at all in comparison to the time and love, laughter and happy memories we make with the people in our lives. Shortly before you died, I told you that Brad and I weren't going to make it and I was working on a plan for our divorce. You said you'd support my decision but thought it was a mistake. You told me that he understood my restless, untamed spirit better than most men would and he wasn't threatened by it at all, which was quite unique. You were wrong about a lot of things, mama (and I don't blame you at all for that), but you were totally right about that prediction. It was a rocky, bumpy, crazy road to get from that time in my marriage until now, but we made it...together. Happy. And it turned out better than even my wildest expectations. He has grown up to be an exceptional man. I think you'd be very proud of how well he takes care of me and our girls, and how madly he loves us. I decided that I wanted to bake cookies today to celebrate your birthday, because it's one of the last things you did with my daughters before you died. It is one of the few memories they have of you, in fact. So, I texted Brad about it earlier and he told me to wait until he got home because he wants to bake with me. Oh, how I wish you were coming over tonight to make cookies with us, but I'll find the angel cookie cutter and make a special tray just for you. Happy birthday & Merry Christmas, mom. I love you. Always, A.   Throwback Friday: Little Hannah (oldest daughter) I spent most of my day completely "unplugged and plan on devoting the entire weekend immersed in activities that don't involve technology! Wishing you all a safe & happy weekend, hopefully filled with lots of hugs, zero selfies, surrounded by people who matter to you! Always, A.  Little Sarah (youngest daughter) with her Daddy Note: The video below explains why I'm feeling particularly "unplugged"!  "Every adversity, every failure, and every heartache carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit." ~Napoleon Hill
In a few hours, my home will be filled with Schaefers. I am very aware this will be our first Christmas without mama Schaefer, a fact that comes with a great amount of heartache. There is, however, a level of joy to be found in the legacy that she and dad created. We are all their seeds for the future and that makes me smile, especially when I see the children and young adults right on the cusp of taking the world by storm. When mom and dad were alive, they made it a point to let each of us know we were loved, that they were interested in the things we were doing, and no matter how far away we were, they kept in close contact. Auntie Dot, dad's sister, was right there with them in her role of nurturing the members of this family. I can't speak for the others, but it meant so much to me that they welcomed me into their fold and treated me as if I belonged there. They were good people...salt of the earth kind of people. Full of sage advice, gentle guidance, and a warmth that made them a joy to be around. Quick with a hug, a kiss, and a smile, they are sorely missed. But the good news is, that love, affection and attention they were eager to share nurtured each of us, and created a stable foundation so we could face head-on whatever this world has to toss our way! Not all family is genetic. Some are those we choose and that creates a powerful, magical connection. Family by choice is a strong bond that connects us with the sheer promise of, "I choose you, over, and over again. I choose you as my Tribe, and I'll never let go." There's a party at my house tonight and much to celebrate! I'll be lifting my Martguerita glass in a toast to mom, dad, and auntie...to belonging...and the legacy they left behind. Sláinte!  I'm having a really tough time finding my "happy" today after yesterday's news story of the school in Pakistan that was attacked, leaving over 150 dead, most of whom were children. I have never been to Pakistan and have no ties to that country what-so-ever. I know none of the lives that were lost, personally, but I have worked nearly a decade in various schools and understand the climate, the bonds forged. This is my only related connection of any kind to what happened, and yet I am heartbroken, as well as outraged. One of the wounded students told a reporter that he watched his teacher, who was trying to protect him and his classmates, gunned down and then burned. This is not the first, last, or most horrible thing happening in the world right NOW, and that stark fact is enough to crush my "happy" under a boot of sorrow. I do not understand a world where these kinds of things happen on a regular basis, or why the human race continues to allow them. I am furious at the injustices to be found in every corner of our blue planet, and the fact that we have yet, as a people, put a stop to them! The young lady in the video below (...I'm sure most of you recognize) was shot and nearly killed in an attempt to silence her voice for speaking out about the "wrongness" of these kinds of things. I am happy I live in a nation where I can speak freely on these issues without fearing for my life in order to do so. I don't know what I will do to be an active part of making this world a safer, better place, but I by God know I will find a way in the coming year to do more. I will find as may ways as possible to make a difference, to help make the world a safer place for all of us.  I woke to the smiling face of my youngest daughter, as she slipped into my room and climbed in bed next to me. "Morning, Mama," she said, her cheery voice making me smile. I'm not a morning person, but my girls have a way about them that has frequently banished my daybreak grouchiness. Yesterday evening she came home and spent the night, after returning from her first trip to New York City. My gut clenched in relief to find her happy and in one piece, as I'd worried every moment she was gone. I listened to her excited, breathless chatter as she recounted her time in the Big Apple, and knew that even though my girls are now in their twenties, I was never going to get over the worry of them out in the great big world. I'm not ready for them to be grown, and yet they are. Now my house is quiet again, but there's a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup simmering on the stove, and biscuits baking in the oven. The smell of comfort and rosemary is the perfect companion to this cold, misty December day. My soup bowl was a gift from my husband, handcrafted by a local North Carolina artisan with a gorgeous tree etched onto the front. Today I feel the strong pull of family and tradition, simple pleasures and nourishing love. Maybe it's the soup, a recipe Aunt Mattie was fond of. Maybe it's the lingering company of my youngest daughter from this morning, or the excited anticipation of seeing my house full of Schaefers on Thursday for our Christmas party. Whatever the cause, I'm happy for the taste and touch, sight and sounds of things that make what could have easily been a gloomy day into one of pre-winter holiday beauty. Besides, it's difficult to be assaulted by a case of the "drearies" with half of a warm biscuit in hand, slathered in butter and honey...definitely a reminder of life's "sweet spots."  www.delish.com |
About The Author
I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter. Archives
August 2021
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