 Image @ readmedeadly.com Some of my monsters look like "Fear" and "Worry", "Anxiety" and "Vulnerability". They don't live in the fleshy world, but that doesn't make them feel any less real. I am reminded of them because of what I'm facing over the next few days, and have been living with for the past several months. Cancer. Such a scary word. I remember talking with Mama Schaefer about it frequently, especially after my father was diagnosed. I wanted her insight on how to help him because she understood first hand what he was going through. She told me that when the doctors first delivered her lung cancer diagnosis, she didn't really hear anything they said afterwards, her mind going in too many fearful directions at once. After she'd had time to let it settle, one thing she said she adamantly didn't want to do was talk about it. She said it was bad enough having it stuck in her head all the time, and didn't want it to also dominate her daily conversations! Talking about it, for me, obviously doesn't change the fact that I have it, but it does help take the sting out a little.
In January I was diagnosed with basal cell carcinoma. On Tuesday of next week I'm having surgery to remove the cancerous spots. This means I have the entire weekend to wrestle with the monsters I mentioned above, an activity I do not relish at all! I find ways to distract myself, and I'm actually pretty good at doing that, but the one time of day that always gets me is that time right before sleep. The world is quiet, distractions put away, and all I'm left with are those monsters in my mind that twist me up into a million knots (...which usually also makes my ability to sleep QUITE difficult). I share these thoughts with you now because I know many others who are struggling with the same fears, to lesser and much worse degrees and every spot in between. Before sleep takes me each night over the next few days, it is you I'll be mentally reaching for...calling forth all the names I know who may also be trapped by the Fear Monster. In this way, perhaps we won't have to face the dark alone. May your weekend be full of blessings and love, and may you have at least one someone, your "Person", who's not afraid to stand with you and face monsters. Sincerely, A.
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About The Author
I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter. Archives
August 2021
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