Your Lack of Enthusiasm is Kerosene to My Flame

*Spoiler alert: Students from the class this book was inspired by will have starring roles.

*Spoiler alert: That little face peering over my desk is from a baby picture of my oldest daughter. I'm going to find a way to work my little Freckles into the tale, as well.

Resigned, I dove into the task of illustrating my first children's book, after months and months of trying to come up with a myriad of other ways to get it done rather than tackling it myself. Each of my ideas got shot down until the only solution left was to pick up the ball and run with it as best I could (...or let the entire project die a painful death, NOT an option). Let me tell ya, it's not easy to drum up motivation to do something you already have deep reservations about. Doubting my skill has been such a hurdle. Ugh! But I sat up my work space, gathered the printed copy of the text for the book and my story board, and got to work.

Throughout the day, I posted bits and pieces of my progress for comment. Good feedback and encouragement kept coming, which helped push me forward. When page #2 was, for the most part, DONE, I sent a copy to someone I know who is an exceptional artist. "What do you think?" I asked. "Too babyish?" Several hours later, I got a response. "Looks ok to me. That's a style now." I could hear the CRUSH to my spirit, which was already fragile, at best. I gritted my teeth and refused to break...flat. OUT. Refused! (And I MAY have sought out a big jar of Gorilla Glue to fix the pieces that fell off).

You know, people say all the time, "I'm going to do this or that, accomplish this or that, blah, blah, blah." And then, time slips by with absolutely nothing to show for those empty words that fall away, meaningless to the place where broken dreams go. They make excuses for why "it" never happend...I should know because I, too, have been guilty of this. But not anymore! For me? Today I completed page #1 of a book that really is about fifteen years in the making and nearly ended up just a pile of broken dreams scattered amidst a host of untold others. That's two pages in two days, and neither of them sucks. It's true that I am no Chris Van Allsburg (author and illustrator of books like Jumanji), whose artwork, alone, is exquisite. What I AM is determined! It's perfectly okay if when I'm done people don't gush and swoon over my creation. I am mindful of what Mama Schaefer often pointed out to me, "Define your goals, YOUR way, and what success looks like for you. Then, no matter what happens, you will be happy with the outcome."

I can't wait to see this book completed and dedicated to a group of students I will never forget. The process, alone, of getting it there will be a major accomplishment for me. And if they love it? Others love it? Frosting on the most delicious cupcake ever! I am delighted to discover that now the process has begun in earnest, all the negative stuff does is throw kerosene onto that flame I have lit, that burns to create something I can be proud of!