Walking Out of the Tornado

Me, Dallas, Texas...Christmas 1977

Me, Saint Patrick's Day, 2016

I sat curled up in the big, black leather chair listening to my daughter laying the groundwork for her future while I caught up on social media. I read random posts and scrolled through various pages until I came across one that said, "This video will change your life." *snorts* I've heard that, seen that claim before, but out of curiosity I clicked on it. Honestly, it was very much like falling down a rabbit hole, as I watched the little girl's story that resonated in so many ways with my own. There were differences, but the essence was the same and hot tears burned my cheeks as she spun her eloquent tale.

"Sometimes someone hurts you so bad, it stops hurting at all. Until something makes you feel again and then it all comes back. Every word. Every hurt. Every moment. How could you understand where I come from? Even if you ask. Even if you listen. Even if you see, you do not really hear, or see, or feel. You won't remember my story. You haven't walked my path. You haven't seen what I've seen." I shook my head, nodding as she spoke those words. She also spoke about how she felt her life was this giant circle, often a tornado, and she didn't know how to get to a place that was safe. She talked about how frequently she had absolutely no choices of her own, as adults around her continued to make "bad" choices for her life. And finally, she talked about being unwanted, unloved, invisible even. Oh how well I remember those feelings, even though they are now, mostly far removed from the world in which I live today. The foster mother she ended up with was a teacher, who showed her love, infinite patience and kindness. She provided a Safe Harbour for the girl, and at one point she tells her, "You don't have to escape from the tornado, you just have to learn how to live inside of it." She also teaches the girl about what to do when she does get the opportunity to "choose" her destiny... (*There is a ReMoved Part 2 where you can see the "end" of her story. It's a little long, but I think it's totally worth the time.)

Her story has a happy ending and thankfully, so does mine. I am still writing my chapters, forging my path. Sometimes it's a convoluted path, full of thorns, big rocks, and uncertainty. But always, always, I choose. I choose the path with the most light, even if it's rocky and perhaps not the easiest option. I choose the path with the most joy, even when it also includes some sorrow. And by doing so, I have walked out of the "tornado" that began my life and into something altogether new! As my little Ensign would say, "It's a good Navy day!"