Troublesome Tasks

22 June 2017 "Game Face"

Dealing with my father's estate is like constantly picking a scab off a wound that's trying to heal. I understand now why Mama Schaefer took most of the tasks of her estate out of the hands of her sons. She had experience with this aspect of "life", after having to be the one responsible for the deaths of both her parents and her husband and the business that entailed. The tasks I must accomplish today have created a huge knot in my stomach and made me restless, pacing my deck and the kitchen floor like some caged animal anxious to escape and run free instead of going to the appointments looming before me. I am not, however, one who's ever been a "runner" in regards to my responsibilities.

If I'm going to be completely honest with myself, I'll have to admit that my penchant for standing in the direct path of life's storms and refusing to move or give up has more to do with my ridiculous stubborn streak than any altruistic aspect of my character. And in fact, over the years there have been many voices on the sidelines of my life expecting me to fail, predicting and waiting for it, some of the source of those voices eager to see it happen. This constant is perhaps one of my all-time biggest sources of motivation...a dogged determination to prove "them" wrong, not for their sake, at least not anymore, but for my own. You see, it's all too easy to just quit and give in to the notion that "it" is too HaRD. Life, love, relationships, career paths, etc. and all the bumps and hurdles that come with them can be an overwhelming barrage of stuff to deal with and rarely do any of these aforementioned things go smoothly. When I joined the rest of you on this planet we call home, however, I didn't sign anything that said it ought to...go smoothly, that is. And for the first little bit of my time here, mostly all I could do was hang on tight and hope for the best as the waves of "trouble" crashed again and again over my head. Then, I became old enough to cement this crazy stubborn streak, or maybe it was living there in little me all along from the word "go".

The troublesome tasks I face today WILL be done, even if it takes months and a bottle of wine to loosen this knot in my tummy. The scabs I repeatedly pick off...eventually will heal. And life? It will go on whether I escape to run free of my burdens, bury my head in the sand and hide from them, or stand to face whatever is coming ahead. I choose the later and have done so frequently. I have yet to regret it, although with some things the allure of running is tempting. Not today, temptation. Not today! Today I'm wearing my game face!