Time to Ditch the Excuses, Lady

The inspiration for my tale.

The little guy who is going to keep me motivated while I illustrate my story!

I sat on the deck listening to the morning birds happily chirp away in the nearby trees. I could tell myself I was out here just communing with Nature, something I truly love to do, but honestly I was avoiding the thing I've been putting off for months...illustrating my first Children's book. Two days ago, I told my husband, "Okay, I need you to nag me every day next week about doing my drawings, no matter how much I protest." He sighed, "Fine. But I hate being a nag, even though you've given me your blessing to do it. I don't want to push you into something you don't want to do. The only reason I'm going to do it this time is because you actually DO want this." He knows why I've been dragging my feet on this and thinks it's ridiculous. My problem? Somewhere in my brain I've told myself I'm not good enough of an artist to do a job worthy of being "out there" among all those other children's books with absolutely exquisite artwork. My fear is in the way (...oh hey, that's new *snorts*)!

The Dragon Egg is a story I made up in my first year of teaching after receiving a gift from one of my students. Besides the fact that the children hung on every single word of my tale (a great endorsement for a good story), I had a really special bond with that group. You see, that was the year of 9/11, when our world changed forever. During the attacks, my students and I huddled close, talked about the things they were afraid of, and then spent most of the day doing fun things to help distract us from the fear and sadness we were all feeling to some degree. I was humbled by the faith their families had in me to leave the children in my care, because many pulled their children out of school or kept them home that horrible day.  In the weeks and months that followed, we grew closer and closer, finding other ways to bond throughout the course of that school year...with our teacher-read-aloud of Harry Potter's world, which fascinated them, to our poetry writing, giving them a creative medium to express themselves and making grand scientific discoveries (...well, grand on a fourth grade level, at least)! Our class motto was, "Dream big, work hard, be NICE" (which I had on the board the entire year), and almost daily I reminded those children that they could do anything, be anything if they just put their minds to it.

And here I sit, fifteen years later at my computer with my sketch pad, as tears stream down my face. I feel like I've let them down, because those words weren't just a line I was selling the children, I meant them. Why, then, wouldn't I tackle my own dreams in the same way?! Mostly I have learned how to do just that, but this book, these illustrations...God do I want to get them right. I want them to reflect something timelessly beautiful and I don't trust my ability to do them justice.  Even though they are pictures that will go along with my make-believe tale, the bigger purpose is to capture the essence, the magic of that year, that group, in a book that would make them proud to be part of the story. THAT, my readers, is one tall order. No more finding excuses. No more self-doubt. Today, I bring pencil to paper and I will not stop until this creation of mine is done. Every day until it's complete, I will wake up and remind myself, "Hey girl, get out of  your own way! Let's do this!" The children (who aren't children any longer) are counting on you to BE the example. Show 'em what you're made of!