Amy M. Schaefer
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From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
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Time Marches On

1/15/2016

4 Comments

 
Picture
I sat zoning at the light on University Parkway, my mind not exactly blank but close enough for me to just soak it up (...because that doesn't happen often). Suddenly the hand resting on the steering wheel caught my eye. I frowned, releasing my grip and studying this strange thing in front of me. Spots, wrinkles, lines I'd never noticed before covered every surface of a hand showing real signs of aging. I was shocked, nearly panicked, the words of Dolly Parton in Steel Magnolias popping into my brain. "Time marches on, and eventually you realize it's marchin' across your face," she declared, as she talked about the need for a woman to maintain her beauty. The light turned green and I drove the rest of the way home in a daze. I am growing older and it's starting to show. I think, however, I'm the most surprised to actually BE aging. I wasn't expecting to live this long.

It is fitting that my hands are what I noticed first in regards to my body changing with age. I have my mother's hands, a fact that's always given me comfort on the days when missing her is still like a potent ache. She died young. I have always assumed I'd share her fate, although why I've thought this has no logical explanation. I think maybe when the possibility of my came during my pregnancy with my son, I resigned myself to the fact that if I went through with carrying him to term, that would be his beginning and my end. It didn't turn out that way, and from my perspective sometimes that twist of fate feels as if it's terribly in error. I was prepared to sacrifice my life for his. And yet, here I am while he is gone...here I am growing older every day.

I let my thoughts stretch out into the living. My Aunts are totally rocking their fifties and sixties. I have family who are brilliant, spry and wonderful well into their seventies and eighties. Earlier today at the grocery store, I met an elegant, lovely woman with kind eyes who was timeless, whatever her age. "It's going to be ok," I silently remind myself. I look down, reexamining hands so similar to the woman who gave birth to me. It's okay that they're not youthful and perfect. It's okay that they're showing wear. It's okay if I make new dreams and live. Doing so won't betray those I've lost. And it's okay to allow myself to be happy. In fact, doing so is an honor to their memory, not an abandonment.
4 Comments
Angela Miles
1/15/2016 12:07:24 pm

Your hands are and will always be beautiful. They are a part of a beautiful sole.

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Tammy Walendzak
1/16/2016 09:19:03 am

Beautiful Lady. Your hands show your life to others. Those hands have held, loved and comforted the most important people in your life. They are STRONG! I have questioned why my son could not stay as well. I have always thought that he was brought here just to remind me, how important being a mother is, and to cherish it. I love you!

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Yvette Aldrich
1/16/2016 08:24:16 pm

My angel, I too went through such a feeling if shock when I realized who was looking back at me in the mirror and that it was true that I may never live long enough to see Hunter have a family. I still struggle with this when I am tired or stressed and can't hold those demons at bay and they are allowed to creep up on me. I find myself feeling new signs of this new journey into age a lot now. I am determined not to let it happen too fast, but I know that I can't stop it either. The live that we have given and received it the measure of our lives. I just have to remember that, as do you. I love you deeply, my soul sister!

Reply
Amy Marie Schaefer
1/20/2016 11:32:11 am

I hope all three of you ladies know just how much YOU inspire me! I love you all as if we were sisters by blood. The bond with sisters of the heart, however, is just as strong.

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    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

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  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery