Through the Window of the Past: Fried Eggs & Manipulation

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Fried eggs & Manipulation: 2 November 2013
 
 
Any connoisseur of a good fried egg knows that when making them, you have to be gentle and extremely patient. If you crack the egg open too rough, you break the yolk by the time it touches the pan. If you have the pan too hot, you get the egg too brown and the taste is not as exquisite. And when you turn them with the spatula, you have to ohhh so gently slip them from one side to the next. Cook them too long, the yolk becomes overdone and hard. Cook them too little, even the whites remain runny and unpalatable. You must go slow, sliding them into the pan on just a tiny pat of butter to keep them slick and flavorful. And from start to finish, patiently watching.
 
People who are good at manipulation do exactly the same thing, smoothly, quietly coaxing others into doing whatever it is they want them to do. I mean, we are all guilty of manipulating others for our own benefits at one time or another. For example, babies will cry and if someone comes to pick them up almost immediately, they make that first manipulating connection: Cry = Food/Love/Attention. Or the wife who says to her husband, "Honey, I'm cold," and he gives her his coat/turns up the heat/brings a blanket to put on the bed. Even the stripper, who blatantly flaunts his or her body for money and usually their dances/performances/etc. have absolutely zero to do with their own sexual arousal, while they expertly manipulate the sexual desires of others for money. I've had one or three stripper friends in my life; talking with them about it is extremely interesting. My former step-monster was a master manipulator and when I was a child, she would have gotten much better results in her attempts to manipulate me if I hadn't been living with my grandmother, who wrote the proverbial book on manipulation. In order to even survive at the house where I grew up, I had to learn skills to help gauge when I was being manipulated and strategies to avoid them, an education skill set that began when I was four. By the time my step-monster started trying to do it, I'd already become quite adept at evasive maneuvering, as well as recognizing when it was happening...to the point where it was as familiar to me as my "A, B, C's". I find myself still good at those evasive tactics unless I am vulnerable and not on my "A" game. If there is too much going on emotionally in my head/heart/life, recognizing the subtle cues used by master manipulators is difficult, even for someone who knows what to look for. 

I wish I could say I don't understand the purpose of manipulating someone, but it's simple enough to figure out...people do it to get what they want, the way they want it, and the fact that it may come at another's expense doesn't seem to matter. To my mind it is a cheap shot and a lazy option. That being said, I confess to my own tactics. I am an expert level "button pusher" which is its own form of manipulation. Most of the time, I use my button-pushing skills to force a response other than indifference, an action I utterly despise. I have, however, been known to push buttons just to see what will happen (I've done this many times in college classes I've taken in order to kick-start a conversation or debate). Getting people spun up for my own entertainment is not a desirable character trait. I would say I'm working on it, but that would be a lie. Seeing people passionate or angry actually tells you a lot about who they are down deep. People who go on a personal attack are usually insecure and/or have a flimsy argument they don't know how to defend. People who logically argue their point without tearing down others and are willing to listen to opposing views even if it doesn't change their minds...those are the people in a room I want to be sitting near, standing with at the end of the day. Does this make me a bad person? I don't think so. I want to know what people are made of before I decide to align myself with them in any way. I want to know their moral character. The quickest, most effective way to do that is to make someone angry. That flash-point is where their soul shines the brightest and shows how they truly treat others. Some have called me obnoxious for my button-pushing ways. I can live with that.