The Power of Words

"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." --Leo F. Buscaglia

I once said something so hateful to a cousin of mine that it left a foul taste in my mouth the moment the words passed my lips. Oh, how I wanted to call them back but it was too late! I was nine, he was eight, and we were playing. He was being a pest when I blasted him with the absolute worst thing I could think of to say to him. His sweet face was crestfallen and his eyes filled with tears he refused to cry. I don't even remember what I said, but I bet he remembers to this day because I know I can remember most of the vile things others have spoken to me over the years and recall them with crystal clarity.

*At my sixth birthday party, "You are such a little slut." (Spoken by a family member because I was talking to a little boy I liked from church.)
*When I was nine, another family member remarked, "You are nothing. You will always be nothing."
*When I was ten, another family member commented to me, "You mother was a whore in school. The boys used to pitch pennies in the hallway at her." (Spoken out of spite and jealousy because my mother was vibrant and beautiful)
*A family member commented, "Well, you sure think highly of yourself," after I told her I thought because of all the training and wonderful people who'd helped me,  I'd become a good teacher.

These experiences are not unique to me. I'm sure most people can quickly call up a memory of an unkind or hateful thing someone has spoken to them in their lives. In 2002, I was attending a Teacher Conference in Phoenix, Arizona with about 2,500 other educators ranging in ages from their early twenties to their mid-sixties. The main speaker began his speech by asking us, "How many of you can remember the exact  name of a teacher who made you feel horrible about yourself?" After a minute's pause, every hand in the room went up. His next question was, "How many of you remember the name of a teacher or someone else in your life who made you feel good about yourself?" Again, all hands went into the air and side discussions of stories regarding these things began to circulate around the room. It was the next part, however, that has resonated with me all this time. He said, "You have the power to make or break a child every time you step into a classroom just by what you say to them." My mind raced through mental files trying to remember if I'd ever said anything to a child that would cause them lifelong harm. Then, I went over things that I'd said to my children. I knew I'd never said anything cruel or hateful to them or my students because from that moment when I was nine and said that horrible thing to my cousin, I made sure never to say something like that again no matter how people treated me. That is not to say I haven't spoken things over the years I wished I could take back, because I absolutely have. I try, however, to always measure the words that come out of my mouth (or off my fingertips) because the words matter and they have great power. And thankfully, I have been fortunate enough that over the years the kind things people have said to me far outweigh the unkind ones.

*One of my favorite professors, Dr. Laura Zaidman, who died of breast cancer in December of 2005 wrote to me, "I've returned from vacation and found your impressive bachelor's degree honor's thesis project. How honored I am to be in your acknowledgement notes...I'm sure you have also made your other professors proud."
*Dr. Astair Mengesha, who was on the panel when I had to defend my honor's thesis said, "You have a fresh and beautiful voice. Your writing is clean and alive. I expect to see much more of it in the future."
*My oldest daughter recently told me about my blog, "Mommy, me, Daddy and Sarah adore you. Say what you need to say, however you need to say it. All the people who love you won't mind and those who mind don't matter.
*My husband, just today, texted me and said, "I love you. I love you in my life. You are my sunshine and imagining a world without you is a nightmare. You are what gives me the strength to press forward every day."
*And my youngest daughter recently said to me while we were riding in the car and the song, "Because You Loved Me", by Celine Dion came on--"This was my song to you when I was growing up, Mom. I always think of you when I hear it."

I cried quiet tears of joy as it played and I do so now as I share this message with you. "In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of  things not meant for you."--Buddha

*Note: I will be posting the Honor's Thesis short story I wrote in my short stories section

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