 "Tears are good. What flows is alive. Crying is like a thundershower for the soul. The air feels so wonderful after the rain. Don't think too much. Breathe. Don't be harsh or demanding on yourself. Just experience your feelings and know that your tears are announcing change in your life. Change is coming; like a summer rain--to wash away your pain. Have faith that things are getting better." --Bryant McGill I move around, getting things ready for the trip--last minute laundry, finding travel cases, cleaning, all while pushing through the pain of multiple kidney stones that have decided NOW was a good time to show up. The physical pain, while completely inconvenient, is actually fitting, matching the hurt in my heart from missing you. Strange how my body and soul seem in sync with what is coming. Your son baked me chocolate chip cookies because the pain meds make me extremely queasy and it's the only thing I really want to eat. You raised three fine sons, Mama. They are so very different, but I see bits and pieces of you and Dad in them and the world is better because they are a part of it. On Saturday, when each of your sons take a handful of your ashes, I hope it will feel like a warm hug where you are. And when they scatter those ashes to the wind, it will be your love touching everything, everywhere. I want to remember that moment...the sounds of the night, the way the light looks as it touches the water in tender, glowing kisses, and the smells of a land, a lake that was and always will be a part of you. I know that you are safe, happy, pain-free, and that comforts me. I will wrap myself in that comfort, suck up my own pain, and remember that I, too, am a part of your legacy. Thank you for nurturing me, believing in me, being proud of me and saying so often. Thank you for treating me as if I, too, was your child, remembering my birthdays, counseling me when I was lost or confused, and choosing to be an active part of my life. I'm glad I got to tell you all of those things while you were alive and show you just how special you were, are, and always will be to me. 
Lake Chelan, Washington Image @ scenicusa.net
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About The Author
I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter. Archives
August 2021
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