Amy M. Schaefer
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From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
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The People We Never See Again

6/5/2015

4 Comments

 
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When you stop and think about all the people you come into contact with on a daily basis throughout the course of a lifetime, it's perfectly logical, normal even, that there are thousands, hundreds of thousands of faces you will never see again. Just that once. A brief encounter or perhaps a longer conversation...whatever the case, most of the time it's "one and done." This simple fact can be quite a blessing when referring to, say, that rude and annoying person in line in front of you at Walmart, but starts to become problematic when you have more than a cursory thought or feeling towards said person. That someone you kissed on the beach that summer long ago, whose name escapes you now and yet even though so much time has passed, still the memory remains clear and sweet, tucked away among other lovely things. It is the next level up that gets me, and by that I mean it sparks a full blown panic attack if I allow those thoughts to creep in. Most of the time I can keep them at bay...but not today.

Today I sit here on my deck surrounded by trees of Spring green, knowing I've met people who have forever become a defining moment in my life and I'll never lay eyes on them again...honestly, my heart pounds like an anvil in my chest just writing it down and seeing the words. I have read or heard a thousand cliches' about making every moment count, or the only time we have is now, but none of them smack so HaRD that they knock the breath out of me as the stark reality of, "This moment and ONLY this one, that is yours. That is the LAST. Remember." I have to stop writing and breathe in great gulps of air. I stare out towards the woods, but what I really see are those faces, my group of "last time faces" that now have me half-blind with tears. I want to run down into the woods and scream at the top of my lungs, "Wait! NO! I wasn't ready!" It would be utterly pointless, of course. Time waits for no one. It moves and ticks, beats and marches ever forward. "Get up," I hear myself say. "Keep walking and don't look back," I add, hoping my feet remember what to do next, while I wait for the rest of me to catch up. This is it. I know better than most that the only moment we are promised is the one happening RIGHT NOW. I am determined not to waste it and that determination guides every single choice I make. As for all of those faces I'll never see again but mean so much to me...I left a piece of me with you. It cost me but the price was worth it. And to that random guy who nearly crashed his truck into a pole at the light because he was staring at me, thanks. That really does still make me smile. If you only get the chance to see a face once in a lifetime, it ought to leave a lasting impression!
4 Comments
Michelle
6/5/2015 06:28:42 am

Oh, Amy. I write this with a heavy heart as I watch facebook today like a crazed child at a candy shop. A friend of mine from high school is clinging to life, losing the battle with every breath he takes all due to the hands of a medical facility that "gave him something" that has shut down his liver and kidneys and it is not repairable....meanwhile, I read about all of the fun and magical things he's done with his life and the sooooo many hearts he touched in his short 45 years of life...and realize, I will never see his face again. Now, mind you....this was not a guy that I had any sort of relationship with as I was not his type, hell, I was not even in the same bathroom stalls as his types were....I just remember that we had so much fun...a group of us that were in show choir in school, drama club and just hanging out at random Burger King's after rehearsal or school cause we could....not a care in the world......laughing, singing, ding dong ditching....whatever we could come up with all in good fun. I cherish the memories I have of high school....that was my happy place and he was a big part of it....we were never boyfriend/girlfriend...just great friends....I could tell him things that would stay just with him....oh...and above mentioned group cause we were cool like that. All of us had a story....mine was I didn't wanna be home, his was he was gay and not "out, another was bulimic......we were like "the breakfast club" hehehehe, that's a funny way to put it, but they were just what I needed to cope with my reality...and they loved me for it.....God, I miss those times......
BUT....fast forward, 30 years....and all of our lives are so much different. I am still touch with my breakfast club buddies....and most of us live close...that is awesome....but somehow we never get together, we are the facebook breakfast club now....and that's okay. Thank you for your blog today....it brought back so many of the few good memories I truly have of my growing up years. I love you, sister!!!!!

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Amy M. Schaefer
6/5/2015 06:38:21 am

My beautiful sister...

Your story has me here in tears all over again. I think we often get caught up in the "stuff" going on in life and really forget that the GOOD stuff has nothing at all to do with stuff. And the amount of chances we have to just hold someone, see their face, talk with them, etc...those opportunities are finite. When we get them, GOD, we should take them like we're dying of thirst and that moment is the only drink of water we'll ever know again.

Love you to the Moon and back...
A.

Reply
Mark
6/6/2015 01:20:25 am

Amy,

This one is especially poignant for me right now. As I prepare to move away from my kids, to move to a new town, memories of a day over 24 years ago flash in my mind; the day I left home for basic training. I was young and scared but put on a brave, "man" face. Many of my friends from that time come to mind, but mostly, Jen, the girl who loved Led Zeppelin and stole a piece of my heart forever. She has been the muse of several poems... Comming back to today, i am not as filled with fear, but I am yanked back to being that18 year old boy. I'm scared of all the unknowns my over active mind invents, but somewhere inside me there's the thought that I know I can do this. I'm sad when the feeling I'm abandoning my kids crashes in on me, but I soldier on trying to cling to the thought we'll have new adventures. So far, I'm functioning ok, but merely functioning. Next week, when I'm driving the uhaul, I know it'll crash in on me, and that's ok. Next week will be tough. Hugs.

M

Reply
Amy M. Schaefer
6/9/2015 05:20:42 am

I'm sending good vibes to you and your family as you begin this new adventure. I know leaving behind people you will probably never see again is very difficult. Perhaps it should be and we should stay mindful of it so we make the most of every precious moment we have with someone.

Always,
A.

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    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

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  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery