The Day After

image from www.etsy.com

Matthew 17:20...image from Pinterest.com

The persistent ringing woke me early. I'd already blown off the unknown number on my cell phone, but not ten minutes later the landline was going at it. Resigned, I got out of bed and grabbed it off the desk. "Mrs. Schaefer?" the woman inquired. "Yes, this is she," I said. "You recently had a mammogram and the doctor doesn't like the looks on one of the images. I'm going to need to schedule you for additional testing," she informed me. Wait. What???? My brain was not sure my ears had heard her correctly. As she rattled off some days and times for potential appointments, my mind was screaming a thousand things at once...I don't have time for this...Surely there's some kind of mistake....it's probably nothing...but logic kicks in and whispers, "They don't call you back for nothing." I scribbled this new pending date on a post-it and tried to pay attention to her words. All I caught was, "Don't worry. These things happen all the time and usually it's nothing." Don't worry? Are you serious?????

Honestly, I had no intention of coming here to my laptop keyboard and writing down any of this. Once I write it, it's even more real than just the seemingly innocuous series of events that have led up to this tap, tap, tapping of my keys. But if I don't write it, the gravity of it all will rattle around in my head and my imagination will run wild. Not all of that will be a doom and gloom scenario, but more than is good for my peace of mind. I have to purge it, share it, and hope that there will be more than one of you out there who can completely identify with how whack-a-doo my head and emotions are feeling right now.

I have gotten a regular mammogram every year since I turned 35 as a precaution due to my family history. I missed last years because there was so much turmoil going on, I pushed this particular healthcare item to the back burner. I was distracted and it really just didn't seem all that urgent or even important. Now I'm kicking myself for NOT doing something I know I should always do...take care of myself! The irony of that is the memory of a recent text from a friend I've been close to for a very long time, who said to me, "I know you've got a lot on your plate right now, but don't forget to take care of yourself, too." He knew I'd been frantically shadowing my father, as he's battling his own grave health issues and he was worried I'd just forget about myself while entrenched in that endeavor. He wasn't wrong. Fortunately, I have people equally close to me who do things that see to my care when I'm on auto-pilot, focused on someone or something else. I can't even tell you how grateful I am for these members of my Tribe. Without them, I have no idea where I'd be.

I don't know what's coming, or how this will turn out and I've lost count of how many times I bring home the point that none of us has a crystal ball. So, I'm in the same boat as everyone else on this planet. How many times have I said the only time we really have is now? I am afraid of what's coming. There is no way on Earth I can follow the person who phoned me this morning and just not worry about it, even though I know it won't do a lick of good, nor change the outcome. I look down and see the reminder I had put on my arm just yesterday and OH how it makes me cry. Faith...small as a mustard seed. That's all you need to move mountains. Hopefully, the issue with my health won't be as big as a mountain, but if it is...well, I have the seed, don't I?!