Amy M. Schaefer
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From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
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Something's Missing

6/16/2014

1 Comment

 
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My mental theme today has been entrenched in the word ache, or more specifically in the act itself. What makes us ache? Is it necessary for us to ache, and if so, why?

ache---v. 1. to have or suffer continuous, dull pain. 2. to feel great sympathy, pity, or the like. 3. to feel eager; yearn; long.

The first of these definitions immediately calls to mind the loss of people I love, i.e. the death of my mother, miscarrying my son, the people who've walked out of my life for various reasons, etc. The second one reminds me of our humanity, specifically how we feel when we see others suffering, in pain, or
in danger. The third one sits inside of me and stretches back along my timeline. Since childhood, I have ached for protective and unconditional love. By adding the words protective and unconditional, I realize just how inadequate the term "love" is all by itself...so many meanings, applications, and connotations; not unlike the theme of the day--aching. If love comes with conditions, then it is something other than "love". As for love being protective, I catch myself thinking, "No, that's not right because I can come up with many ways in which that's not the case." Love of someone may inspire us to be protective of them, but that depends on the person and their nature, not on the depth of their love.

Perhaps what I ache for doesn't even have a name, which is strange because I can feel it, whatever it is, missing. I can feel the absence of it, even as I lack the words to accurately define it. I can also feel the pull, the drive inside of me to fill up that empty space, and great frustration in not having the faintest clue as to how I go about filling something I can't even identify or define.

I have grown very familiar with these questions and sensations, as they've frequently come at times in my life when growth needs to happen. Imagine yourself as a billion piece puzzle that you're painstakingly putting together over the course of your life. You have a section that's almost done, but you're struggling to find two or three pieces that belong in that spot.Unfortunately, all of that section is composed of varying shades of blue, so you really aren't sure, based on the picture, just what you're looking for. You are, however, eager to find them and excited about completing that part...so, you doggedly search for what will silently, perfectly slide into place and lock together the bonds of everything around that space. I will find that which is missing, that which is responsible for the ache I'm experiencing at the moment--my biggest hurdle is my utter lack of patience.


*Image from www.mediawebapps.com.






1 Comment
Mark
6/23/2014 11:44:43 pm

Love your description of ache. However, it was your analysis of the word "love" which caught my attention. I used it in the beginning of this comment on purpose as the word love can mean many things. As for "protective" love, when I ponder this, I can only think of me as a father. There is no length I would not go to in order to protect my children. Therefore, perhaps, the greatest form of Love is that of a parent for a child... an emotion I know you feel.

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    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

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  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery