Shhhhh...

Image from openallnightediting.com

The inky blackness stretched out above me, as I lay in the cool grass star-gazing, grateful to be far enough away from light pollution to clearly see the night sky. It was too chilly for crickets tonight, but the ever present sounds of a location way too near a bustling, small city crashed around what might otherwise be a peaceful evening. Too many people, I thought, too close and noisy and irritating. I forced myself to focus on the notion that above me, above our Earth, space was extremely quiet. I contemplated various ways to get "there".

I think what I find so distasteful about living in such a densely populated urban area is the noise, especially at night...traffic sounds, people's conversations, barking dogs, the distant sounds of a helicopter, and the constant hum of electrical noises, i.e. air conditioners, heating units, power lines, etc. I want to hear the "stillness" of the world, maybe because my head is always also full of noise that I crave an utter quiet somewhere. I remember vividly what it sounds like when the woods are filled with fresh snow, the complete lack of sounds reminding me of cotton stuffed in my ears. I remember growing up in a place where traffic sounds were nearly non-existent, replaced instead with mourning doves, robins, cicadas, and the occasional hoot owl.

There is a part of me that paces restlessly inside, anxiously awaiting my break from being so close to civilization. I have to ease that desire, otherwise I'd forget to live in the "now", but it's not easy. I have too many memories of how solitude feels, the ache of it just out of reach sometimes making me whacky koo koo crazy, especially when the chaos in my head is at a crescendo. Tonight, I will settle for a long soak in a tub, my ears underwater as I wash my hair. For the moment, it's the best I can do. Soon...soon I will reside in a place less "peopley", and that will be, for me, nearly Heaven.