Screaming Underwater

Image from Imgarcade.com

When someone I love is going through difficult times, it is agony for me to be able to do nothing more than merely stand by their side and assure them it will get better. I want to wrap them in a protective bubble and whisper, "No harm, no pain will come to you. I will protect you down to my last breath." The reality that I can't (...and even if I could, shouldn't) shield my loved ones from every harm leaves a pit of dread and pain in my stomach. It permeates my moods, my thoughts, and keeps me awake at night.

I know what it feels like to desperately need a savior, as the entire world crashes down on my head, and my first instinct is to ensure that doesn't happen to anyone else I love, not on my watch, not while I can fight. But I can't slay every dragon. And my heart knows that most of the things we truly learn come from experience and pain. Still, my nature is to nurture. I have yet to find the balance between fix it and fight, versus being supportive while "they" figure it out. It's like being underwater, and watching various people I love falling in, floating down trapped inside "the cage". It took me years to figure out how to finally escape my own cage and honestly, I don't know how many times I nearly drowned before I got there. Now I am left, screaming underwater, as those I wish to save sink deeper into cold, black depths...

I don't know what to say, except that words are useless. I don't know what to do, except cry...equally useless. If I knew someone to beg to make it stop, I'd be on my knees right now doing so in earnest. All I have left is, "I love you" and "It gets better, I promise." It is so little...and not enough, but it is everything I have. So, take what you need...and I'm sorry it's not more.