Amy M. Schaefer
  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
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From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
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Screaming Underwater

5/27/2016

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Image from Imgarcade.com
When someone I love is going through difficult times, it is agony for me to be able to do nothing more than merely stand by their side and assure them it will get better. I want to wrap them in a protective bubble and whisper, "No harm, no pain will come to you. I will protect you down to my last breath." The reality that I can't (...and even if I could, shouldn't) shield my loved ones from every harm leaves a pit of dread and pain in my stomach. It permeates my moods, my thoughts, and keeps me awake at night.

I know what it feels like to desperately need a savior, as the entire world crashes down on my head, and my first instinct is to ensure that doesn't happen to anyone else I love, not on my watch, not while I can fight. But I can't slay every dragon. And my heart knows that most of the things we truly learn come from experience and pain. Still, my nature is to nurture. I have yet to find the balance between fix it and fight, versus being supportive while "they" figure it out. It's like being underwater, and watching various people I love falling in, floating down trapped inside "the cage". It took me years to figure out how to finally escape my own cage and honestly, I don't know how many times I nearly drowned before I got there. Now I am left, screaming underwater, as those I wish to save sink deeper into cold, black depths...

I don't know what to say, except that words are useless. I don't know what to do, except cry...equally useless. If I knew someone to beg to make it stop, I'd be on my knees right now doing so in earnest. All I have left is, "I love you" and "It gets better, I promise." It is so little...and not enough, but it is everything I have. So, take what you need...and I'm sorry it's not more.
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    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

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  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery