Rocks in the Road

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It doesn't matter what relationship you're dealing with, sooner or later there are gonna be bumps in the road. My whole day has been "off" because my morning started with a flash-fire fight between my husband and I. You know the ones that light quickly, burn wicked hot, then fizzle out almost as fast? And even though near the end I told him to just "get out, go to work or whatever", bless him for staying instead, holding me tight, and making it right in the few minutes it took to diffuse the situation.

The truth is, sometimes the damage I carry around is not easy to live with when it is rubbed up against. The more I deal with things and help them to heal, the less of a problem it is but it has not gone away completely and maybe it never will. After many years with me, my husband has learned pretty well how to navigate around these things. But he will tell you that sometimes when he's dodging the "landmines of Amy", he gets his legs blown off. This morning I apologized for the part my "broken" played in our fight. His response was this: "My heart beats for you. And when you hurt, I hurt. There is nothing and I mean nothing in this world that I cherish more than you. All I ever want to do is protect you and that includes from me when I mess up. I try really hard not to. I love you my sweet Angel. You may think that you are broken or damaged but to me you are beautiful and next to perfect. We wear warrior rings (our wedding rings) because every day is a fight. A fight that I am happy we do together against all forces that we're faced with. And we always make it through." My response..."You brighten my day. This morning, instead of just leaving, you stayed as long as possible and held me, loved me. I'm still hurt, but that little thing makes it so much better. You stayed."

I share this with you now as an exclamation point on the fact that life is messy, people are messy and no matter how "perfect" something looks, it's not. There's no such thing as a perfect relationship. We are all flawed. We all cause others pain at times. It took me a very long time to be okay with the fact that I can be a bit of a self-destructive screw-up. It doesn't matter so much to me anymore why that happens. The most important part is how I can fix it when it happens. As per those who hurt me, what matters in my mind is that they care enough about me, about the relationship to stay and work it out, whatever it is. Those who will stay and fight to be a part of your life...those people are your Tribe. Those who don't were meant to be elsewhere, and that's okay too. My day is "off" but soon that will be vanquished by an evening that repairs the sore spots and for that I am so very grateful!