Amy M. Schaefer
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From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
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Riding the Wild Wave

6/25/2015

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I don't know how to feel anything in half-measures. That means when I do feel things the intensity can be seriously overwhelming! What I find so strange about that is that throughout my childhood and early adult life, I was a Master at heading any strong feelings off at the pass and shoving them down deep into some dark hole that I may or may not visit later. I did this for self-preservation and when "later" turned into years, and all those things I tucked away became this oozing, burning toxin in my body, I knew I had to deal with whatever was there or die. Clearly holding back wasn't healthy for me but now that I don't "bank" away my emotions, I'm left with a new kind of dilemma..what to do with them when their sheer magnitude becomes honestly so heavy I think it will just crush me underneath the weight of it all. The strange part is the discovery that either option for dealing with emotions, i.e. shoving them down and ignoring them, or letting them flow freely is fraught with hazards.

I don't know whether I should scream at the absolute top of my lungs, or curl up and weep and ocean of tears until my entire body lies spent and exhausted. Is there, like, a control valve somewhere that better regulates the flow or a shut-off switch that puts it on hold without poisoning and killing me in the process? I just don't know. My solution at the moment, however, is to shut down completely all external factors that create more noise than I can handle and ride the waves of what is left. Whether this strategy will work or not remains to be seen, but I'm going to give it a go and see what happens. Wish me luck!

Love,
A.
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    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

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  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery