Questions, Questions

Image from raisingthecurtain.net

Some days, like today, my head is so full of questions I can barely hear myself think! How one brain can hold so many thoughts and a bucket full of snot (thank you sinus infection) at the same time is beyond me! And truth be told, I'm not sure I even want to know all the answers to the ones currently driving me bonkers. I ask myself over and over, "Do you really need to know? How will it change things? What benefit could possibly come from digging out the answers?" I read these memes all the time talking about, "Just let it go" but none of them ever offer actual WAYS of doing that. I mean, if I could just let it go, why wouldn't I? I don't know how to let them go. And I'm sick to death of secrets and lies, relationships based on nothing but DNA or worse, mere familiarity. The older I get, the less patience and time I have to devote on fake anything. Life is difficult enough without the added puzzling mysteries of what is real and what is complete bullshit.

Many people have passed in and out of my life that I wish I had the opportunity to confront face to face and ask, "Why did you do that to me (or not do ______)?" Does the why really matter, though? It doesn't change anything. Hell, even knowing the why often still leaves a host of confusion and...further QUESTIONS! Maybe this is something I'll have to struggle with the rest of my life, this gnawing tenacity for answers. I do know without a doubt that people are messy, ergo relationships are as well. That, at least, answers some of the things I need to know. As for the rest, if I'm really lucky maybe I'll sneeze them out into a tissue and simply throw them away!