 "Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out." ~author Unknown
Early this morning, my oldest daughter came into my room and quietly said, "Mom, can you take me to school?" She'd left her keys in her boyfriend's car and needed a ride. I got up, hurriedly threw some clothes on and got in the car with her. I noticed she was carrying my new lunch box that I've never used and I completely lost my shit. It wasn't because I mind her using it, I absolutely don't mind at all...I'm happy someone is using it instead of it collecting dust on top of the refrigerator. I lost my cool because she didn't ask me if it was OK. She and her sister have a habit of "borrowing" things without asking and keeping them indefinitely. Their sticky fingers tendencies drive me bonkers! I'm not a morning person to begin with, and seeing that lunch box in her hands, coupled with lack of sleep, a groggy brain, and a subject I'm already touchy about...BAM! Big mouth Mama was completely on a tear the entire ride to her school. At one point, I turned to look at her and she was quietly crying. My heart immediately went, "SHUT UP" but my mouth was having none of that, instead continuing to spew unnecessary words out at her right up to the curb where I stopped to let her out. Here's the thing...it doesn't matter if I was right or wrong, justified or not in what I had to say to her. How I said it was an epic parenting fail! I made her cry and feel horrible, and for what? To prove my point? Well, if my point was that I can be a harridan bitch, then mission accomplished! Today I allowed my anger to hurt someone I love more than I even have the words to express. Before this day is done, I WILL make that up to her. I will also be sure to add a roll of duct tape to my glove box so that it's handy for the next time I need to remind my mouth to stop talking!
4 Comments
Jacqui Boster
2/23/2015 05:56:52 am
My sweet friend, keeping my mouth shut is something I try to practice daily. I'm sorry about what happen this morning but I know you will correct it.
Marie
2/23/2015 06:32:08 am
We have all been there!! This gives you an opportunity to be and example of how to make things right. Love you!!
Amy Marie Schaefer
2/23/2015 07:41:42 am
Thank you for the support, ladies. My pretty baby girl forgave her snarly ol' mama but she never wants to touch my lunch box again (and who can blame her)! I told her I should just give it to her for her birthday and she said, "Nah. That's okay. You keep it!"
Mark
2/24/2015 12:42:07 am
My brain immediately goes in like a million directions at once on this one (as is apt to happen with those of us in the overthinker's club). First off, you are human, and you ARE entitled to your own idiosyncrasies part of which is a hot button(s). Secondly, I'm not sure if your daughter was crying because of how or what you said but more of what her actions might have made you feel. It's certainly a possibility. I know that when my dad would yell at me for using a saw without permission, I'd feel horrible not because he was yelling but because I invaded HIS space and didn't respect that. Third, it's ok to lose your shit with your kids every now and then. We've all done it (well those of us who are an active part in their little lives). It shows them that you DO still have feelings and emotions, it sometimes happens that you are pushed beyond your internal filters that wants to cocoon them, and it allows the opportunity to show them how to apologize for a mistake. Leave a Reply. |
About The Author
I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter. Archives
November 2018
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