Naked and Bare and Shining that Light

I was hashing out my plight as an educator for the umpteenth time with a family member. I told her in a huff of frustration, "I'm a good teacher!" I thought she understood me, knew me well enough to know this wasn't boasting on my part, but a comment based on the efforts of a lot of really amazing educators and administrators who shaped me, molded me into that "good teacher" I claimed to be. My skills in the classroom are more of a statement about those who've been a part of teaching ME, rather than my own "wonderfulness". Besides studying my butt off, the biggest thing I did was be smart enough to listen when wise people spoke and instructed me. But my family member didn't get this part at all, as she quipped, "Well, you certainly think highly of yourself."

Those words hurt me at the time, but now they just make me chuckle. Who do I see looking back at me when I strip myself bare? For a long time, all I saw was a woman who felt defeated by life, in general, and the battles that she'd faced both internal and external. I saw a woman with a great, aching need to be accepted and understood, worthy of love from those around her, particularly those she needed most. I saw a woman with no power over the people, places and things around her, who got good at putting out fires, but not so good at taking control over her own destiny. I don't see that woman at all, now. In fact, the only place she exists anymore is tucked away in my memories!

People often say to let your light shine on the whole world. Finally, I can feel my own light burning bright, shining out, and I've taken charge of my own power to better control what happens NOW, and what happens NEXT! Do things happen in life that we can't control? All the time, but that doesn't make us powerless puppets of the world. I am stripped bare, having shed the "make-up" covering my flaws, and leaving it behind on a tissue in the trash. This is who I am, all of who I am, and not everyone likes it. Certainly not everyone finds it beautiful, but that's O.K. Whew! Took me a very long time to be able to say that and mean it! Do I think "highly" of myself? I certainly don't see my own life as having more worth than any other, but I finally DO see my own worth! Maybe that's not beautiful to everyone, but it is to me! My challenge to all who read my words is this: find your own worth and never, ever allow another human being to take even one tiny piece of it away again. And when you doubt the existence of your own light, make someone smile and you will see the glow of its reflection shining clear and bright in their eyes!

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