Amy M. Schaefer
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From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
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My Ghosts

10/21/2015

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Image from hauntedhovel.com
"The past is a ghost. The future is a dream and all we ever have is now." ~author Unknown

Here lately my footsteps have been shadowed by the ghosts of people I've left behind, which has a way of layering a coat of melancholy over my entire mood. There is no trigger, no rhyme nor reason for their appearance and the "shade" of them" pulls away, vanishing in an equally unassuming fanfare. While they linger, my ghosts whisper almost forgotten names in my ear or flash a long-ago memory through my mind. Mostly, though, they haunt my damn dreams. Awake I can usually distract myself from them, or even drown them out almost completely. Dreams however are different. There's no escape, nowhere to go while they hold me captive and say whatever it is they've come to say. The worst part about this is how upon waking, they doggedly hound my every step with this "new" memory. It can be almost as powerful as an actual memory and include smells, sounds, colours so vivid I have to bite my lip HaRD to remind myself I'm awake and it's not real.

I have learned that some things, some people invariably "stick", whether you want them to or not. Some memories do not allow for escape. This used to drive me completely mad, nearly desperate for an out, the Exit, anything to make them be still, or better...GO away. Now that I know that's not going to happen, I have stopped fighting it and just let them run their course. It's usually brief, and when the last of their bluster has burned itself down to ash, I can step over it and continue moving forward...until next time.
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    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

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  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery