My Ghosts

Image from hauntedhovel.com

"The past is a ghost. The future is a dream and all we ever have is now." ~author Unknown

Here lately my footsteps have been shadowed by the ghosts of people I've left behind, which has a way of layering a coat of melancholy over my entire mood. There is no trigger, no rhyme nor reason for their appearance and the "shade" of them" pulls away, vanishing in an equally unassuming fanfare. While they linger, my ghosts whisper almost forgotten names in my ear or flash a long-ago memory through my mind. Mostly, though, they haunt my damn dreams. Awake I can usually distract myself from them, or even drown them out almost completely. Dreams however are different. There's no escape, nowhere to go while they hold me captive and say whatever it is they've come to say. The worst part about this is how upon waking, they doggedly hound my every step with this "new" memory. It can be almost as powerful as an actual memory and include smells, sounds, colours so vivid I have to bite my lip HaRD to remind myself I'm awake and it's not real.

I have learned that some things, some people invariably "stick", whether you want them to or not. Some memories do not allow for escape. This used to drive me completely mad, nearly desperate for an out, the Exit, anything to make them be still, or better...GO away. Now that I know that's not going to happen, I have stopped fighting it and just let them run their course. It's usually brief, and when the last of their bluster has burned itself down to ash, I can step over it and continue moving forward...until next time.