Military Life: Lessons Learned

"Courage is being scared to death--and saddling up anyway." John Wayne

I'm still adjusting to being a civilian and some days are much more difficult than others. As a military wife, I got used to an orderly structure. I understood my role within that structure and it made sense to me, both on a small scale, and in regards to the larger picture, of which I was a functioning part. I didn't always agree with the politics that permeate that world, but I did, and will always support the larger goals of protecting and defending our U.S. Constitution and all it represents for our way of life. The Marines have a saying, "Once a Marine, always a Marine." I think that applies to all of us connected to the military, to all branches, active duty, veterans, dependents, and those related to them. Being a part of the military community is neither an easy life, nor a glamorous one, but I am so grateful for all the ways it enriched my own life and helped to shape who I am today.

In January of 2012, on the day of my husband's retirement ceremony, he asked me to sum up his career in one word. I said, "Lonely." His frequent deployments and many twelve to fourteen hour workdays when he was home left me and our girls often on our own. I took on the support role, paying bills, managing our household, raising our girls, and attempting to carve a niche out for myself wherever we went. Many days I ate alone, slept alone, and kept my own counsel so I wouldn't burden him with my issues because I knew he struggled with issues of his own. There were times when the loneliness was so oppressive I thought it would swallow me whole and leave nothing behind, no memory that I even existed on this Earth. That life, however, also gave me many positive things.

As we moved from base to base with each new set of orders, I met people from all over the world. While the military community could be extremely rigid, it was also accepting, giving me a space where I felt like I belonged and made a difference. I learned how to open myself up to new people and new ways of thinking about things, and as a result became more tolerant, more compassionate, and less judgmental about others, as well as myself. I also learned quickly that I could either stay in my little shell, living isolated because I didn't know anyone, or I could fling myself "out there", leading with an open heart and mind and letting the chips fall where they may. Even though that has its own risks, staying in a safe bubble where I didn't have to worry if people liked me, or not, or if I fit in, was destructive. As an Air Force wife I've learned how to respect others ideas that differ from my own, how to stand up for what I believe is right, even if I'm standing alone, and how to troubleshoot a ton of plumbing issues before having to admit defeat and call a plumber (I swear, the things a small girl child can and will shove down a toilet or a drain!)!

I cry every time I hear TAPS.I flinch at a 21-gun salute. I stand when the National Anthem is played, even if it's being played on my TV and I'm home alone, and I have a deep respect for those who "lace 'em up" and protect the world I live in. Recently, at my uncle's funeral, a wonderful Veteran was standing near me in the food line (...because that's what southerners do for any occasion, we eat together). I turned to him, looked into his kind eyes and said, "Thank you for your service, sir." He smiled at me and replied, "It's an honor, ma'am, to serve for people like you." I feel honored be able to support and love those who put their lives on the line for the rest of us. What would you give your life for? And of equal importance, what would you LIVE for? I live for making every place I step a better place than it was when I found it, even if all I have to contribute is a smile, a hug, and/or a kind word. I would die for that, as well.

*Dedicated to the men and women at Fort Hood who are grieving

---