Amy M. Schaefer
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From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
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Military Life: Lessons Learned

4/3/2014

2 Comments

 
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"Courage is being scared to death--and saddling up anyway." John Wayne

I'm still adjusting to being a civilian and some days are much more difficult than others. As a military wife, I got used to an orderly structure. I understood my role within that structure and it made sense to me, both on a small scale, and in regards to the larger picture, of which I was a functioning part. I didn't always agree with the politics that permeate that world, but I did, and will always support the larger goals of protecting and defending our U.S. Constitution and all it represents for our way of life. The Marines have a saying, "Once a Marine, always a Marine." I think that applies to all of us connected to the military, to all branches, active duty, veterans, dependents, and those related to them. Being a part of the military community is neither an easy life, nor a glamorous one, but I am so grateful for all the ways it enriched my own life and helped to shape who I am today.

In January of 2012, on the day of my husband's retirement ceremony, he asked me to sum up his career in one word. I said, "Lonely." His frequent deployments and many twelve to fourteen hour workdays when he was home left me and our girls often on our own. I took on the support role, paying bills, managing our household, raising our girls, and attempting to carve a niche out for myself wherever we went. Many days I ate alone, slept alone, and kept my own counsel so I wouldn't burden him with my issues because I knew he struggled with issues of his own. There were times when the loneliness was so oppressive I thought it would swallow me whole and leave nothing behind, no memory that I even existed on this Earth. That life, however, also gave me many positive things.

As we moved from base to base with each new set of orders, I met people from all over the world. While the military community could be extremely rigid, it was also accepting, giving me a space where I felt like I belonged and made a difference. I learned how to open myself up to new people and new ways of thinking about things, and as a result became more tolerant, more compassionate, and less judgmental about others, as well as myself. I also learned quickly that I could either stay in my little shell, living isolated because I didn't know anyone, or I could fling myself "out there", leading with an open heart and mind and letting the chips fall where they may. Even though that has its own risks, staying in a safe bubble where I didn't have to worry if people liked me, or not, or if I fit in, was destructive. As an Air Force wife I've learned how to respect others ideas that differ from my own, how to stand up for what I believe is right, even if I'm standing alone, and how to troubleshoot a ton of plumbing issues before having to admit defeat and call a plumber (I swear, the things a small girl child can and will shove down a toilet or a drain!)!

I cry every time I hear TAPS.I flinch at a 21-gun salute. I stand when the National Anthem is played, even if it's being played on my TV and I'm home alone, and I have a deep respect for those who "lace 'em up" and protect the world I live in. Recently, at my uncle's funeral, a wonderful Veteran was standing near me in the food line (...because that's what southerners do for any occasion, we eat together). I turned to him, looked into his kind eyes and said, "Thank you for your service, sir." He smiled at me and replied, "It's an honor, ma'am, to serve for people like you." I feel honored be able to support and love those who put their lives on the line for the rest of us. What would you give your life for? And of equal importance, what would you LIVE for? I live for making every place I step a better place than it was when I found it, even if all I have to contribute is a smile, a hug, and/or a kind word. I would die for that, as well.

*Dedicated to the men and women at Fort Hood who are grieving

2 Comments
MIchelle Paramore
4/3/2014 10:19:02 am

You and I crossed paths.....and it was one of my favorite things that happened to me. You gave my son faith in school again, that he wasn't just another kid in a class. You sat beside me as we watched our husbands play softball and our kids were at a near distance...close enough for us to keep and eye on a hear. We attended a lot of the same military functions, casual ones and even the kind you get to dress up an wear make up to. Then, it was time for us to part, I believe it was when your husband had orders...or my husband retired...I don't recall exactly what took place, but I know it wasn't the same anymore. A piece of my puzzle was missing. That was the hardest thing for me as a military wife, besides when my husband was TDY....was when it was my turn....or my friends' turn to leave. THEN.....we learned we could still be part of each others lives by computer.....what a great thing its been. Time has passed since we sat on that bench at Luke AFB, in the heat, watching our guys play ball....but I watch what you are up to, see how your girls are, share how my group is and although it's not like really being there...it's enough for now....Until our paths cross again. There are a few people that have left a positive print in my heart, and you are one of them. Thank you for being in my life....I miss you!!! <3
Proud Air Force wife....and Amy's friend!!

Reply
Amy M. Schaefer
4/3/2014 10:36:00 am

I am so fortunate to have you as one of the sisters of my heart and having that beautiful son of yours in my class was a joy! Watching Mikey fall in love with reading is still one of the best things that I experienced as a teacher. I love that we can keep in touch even though so many miles separate us and I've loved watching your family grow and stand strong. You and yours are and will always be a part of who I am. I miss you, too and love you very much!

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    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

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  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery