Mattie's Pearls of Wisdom: What Would Love Do

*From My Journal: The conversation below happened in October of 1993

The dusty lamp cast a warm glow over the worn, yet comfortable den. It was late, the entire house asleep except for me and Aunt Mattie and the "tick-tock" clock on the mantle, softly counting away the minutes.Mattie and I were devout nite owls, and frequently passed the time with in-depth philosophical conversations about a host of topics. Tonight's topic was about love.

"How do you know if it's really love you're feeling?" I asked her, my mind worrying constantly over my own rocky marriage which began when I was way too young.
She smiled. "Well," she said, "love is a tricky thing and often people confuse other feelings for it...lust, infatuation, friendship, and sometimes just the thrill of a relationship with someone you know you shouldn't be in a relationship with in the first place."
"Why do we confuse those with love? Seems simple enough to me to tell them apart," I said.
"Our heart doesn't confuse them, our mind does in order to justify our actions. I once went with a boy...oh, he was handsome, and I knew I had no intentions of marrying him but it was so much fun just being with him and garnering his attention! It felt good! Then, he gave me a pretty ring, and it was at that point I knew I had to let him go. I felt guilty about giving him false expectations, but I was young then. So very young, and we often do foolish and selfish things when we are young. Some of us never grow out of that immature stage, but most of us do." Lord knows I could certainly relate to the that, as all the foolish things I'd done in my youth played in fast forward through my mind.

"What about when we're grown? How do we know, then? I mean REALLY know?" I wanted her to give me a guarantee, some sort of obvious marker that I could point to and say, "There it is, that's the sign right there. It's a GO." Instead she said, "Love is what stays after the lust fades away, and sooner or later, depending on the person, it always fades away. Love is what stays when the butterflies cease to tickle your tummy at just hearing someone's name. Love wants what's best for the other over yourself, and that is not to say that you give up yourself for love, merely that your highest love seeks that which causes true joy in others. And we all have a line that we mentally draw in the sand in regards to how far we will "go" for love. We will allow our children to push those boundaries further than anyone, and our significant other we'll let push us almost as far before we say, "enough". Selfish love asks, "What can you do for me?" Real love asks, "How can I enhance you, make life better for you?"

The feeling of love is easy and comes unbidden, sometimes even unwanted, and settles inside of us. The action of Love is an entirely different animal. That part is hard, because it cannot be manipulated, rarely goes as planned, frequently hurts, and is made difficult because people are all messy. These things contribute to making the action of Love a considerable amount of WORK! It is much easier to give up rather than work hard for something that can be, at times, so exasperating!  It is, however, worth it to ask yourself every day and in every situation, "What would love do?" and then...do that!


*images from favim.com (Vintage Pearls) & pinterest (Hearts in Nature).

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