March & the Winds of Change

Freckles in her Dress Uniform, February 2016

My youngest daughter's ringtone woke me from a deep sleep and at first I had to swallow down panic because late night phone calls rarely tout good news. The first thing she said when I picked up was, "Everything's okay, Mom." It was exactly what my sleep-fogged brain needed to hear. "What's up?" I asked her on a yawn. "I just had a few minutes and really wanted to talk to you," she said. I gently crept out of bed, put on my fluffy, warm robe and opened the back door to step outside. I curled up in a chair on the deck and let the almost warm night of nearly Spring engulf me as I listened to her happy chatter about the events of her OCS Training. We laughed a lot and I cried a little, as I realized just how much she has lost the voice of childhood. This beautiful young woman has changed and I'm still mentally running to catch up because in my mind she's still that baby chewing on a rubber duckie in the bathtub!

I, too, have changed in the weeks since she's been gone. I have planted and started to nurture new seeds of dreams I didn't even know I wanted, eager now to watch them grow. There was a time, not too long ago, when I really had no idea what direction my future was going to take, or if I was going to even have a future at all. As I sat in that chair with the soft breeze of March and my daughter's voice for company, I was grateful for even the possibility of what's up ahead. That also feels new. March here in the South is a "holding your breath" kind of month. You know that any moment now the ground all around is going to burst with new growth, the landscape everywhere is in for a big change, but usually not before one last bitter bite of winter slaps you around. Dr. Seuss would say, "If things start happening, don't worry, don't stew. Just go right along and you'll start happening, too!" Or perhaps he'd just remind me, "You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose."