Letters to Heaven: I Know That Was You, Mom

Dear Mom,

There are times since you've been gone that I see your hand SO clearly in my life. Today you sent me exactly the right person, with exactly the right words, exactly when I needed him. I am filled to overflowing with emotions of the blessing and gift this was. Thank you. I struggle every single day, mama, with wondering "Am I good enough?" or just "Enough" and even though that doubt has dwindled down to this teenie, tiny kernel after so many years of finding myself and my own confidence, it IS still there. When I'm vulnerable, it feels like a pesky rock in my shoe aggravating the situation and keeping it at the forefront of my mind. Usually, before it gets to the point of feeling unbearable, you or the Universe steps in and sends me just what I need.

I am constantly amazed at how many layers of you I continue to uncover even after you've been gone so long. Every time I find a new piece of you, I discover another quiet way you loved me. That, too, is a gift so precious thank you just isn't enough. My life is so filled with blessings, mama. I am humbled by how much. I don't know that I deserve them, but I'm extremely grateful. I still smell your perfume, sometimes (even though I don't own a bottle of it). I couldn't think of a more beautiful and amazing Guardian Angel to have watching over me and keeping track of my son up "there".

I love you, Mom.

Always,
Your Babygirl

P.S. I played your song today on my drive home from work and for once it didn't make me cry, it just made me happy at the flood of memories, REALLY GOOD memories, associated with it.