Kaleidoscope

Image from flickr.com.

We sat in the car at the Cancer Center, the ol' mountain man silent next to me for the longest time. "So?" I prompted. "I need a minute," he said, his deep voice shaking a little. "Do you mind, girl?" he asked. "Not at all. Take your time," I told him and reached for that weathered, wrinkled hand that I used to think was stronger than steel. I squeezed it gently and waited.

"I don't even know what to think, or how to say what I'm feeling. Right now my thoughts are this strange kaleidoscope. Does that even make sense?" he wanted to know, those green eyes searching mine for answers. "Of course," I assured him, having had thoughts that looked to my mind precisely like that which he'd described, although admittedly in regards to completely different circumstances.

All of us come at our mortality in different ways, particularly when that time is small. We all must also take those steps completely alone, whether we're surrounded by loved ones or not. For me, I think less about my death than I do trying to focus on exactly what I'm doing with my life. I also try to appreciate every moment of every day, which is certainly not always easy. How does one go about real appreciation for a day that frankly flat out sucks? Because let's face it, we have them. And what if one of "those" was your LAST day? Total. Bummer.

The news from the doctor was the best it could be under the circumstances, and my father unexpectedly dubbed me his "good luck charm". It might be the most lovely moniker he's given me my entire life, even if it's completely frivolous. Even if I didn't need him to say something so sweet. Mostly, I hope he'll use the reprieve he's been given to do happy things. I hope he'll squeeze every drop of  life out of every day he has left. As he started the car, he said, "Let's go celebrate the fact that it looks like I'll get to see the flowers I planted actually bloom this Spring." Works for me. Blooming flowers, budding life...these are always something worth celebrating!