It Is What YOU Make It

"Some see a weed, some see a wish."

My mother searched for "happy" her whole life. "If I just had this...or him...or that...I'd be happy." She was in a constant state of flux, moving around various places, changing jobs, changing the men in her life, forever testing combinations of people, places, and things, ever-searching for that magical brass ring. As a child, I did not understand her obsessive need to be in constant motion, continuing to vibrate like a tuning fork being struck over and over again to draw out that which would truly, deeply fill her soul with music. For me, most of the time I wanted to make myself as small as possible, invisible to a world full of monsters and nightmares, happy to have the spotlight focused on anyone or anything but myself so that I'd be safe. I often wondered, "What is mommy looking for?" It took me years to have any real insight to that answer.

One of Aunt Mattie's favorite sayings was, "Your life is what you make it, and the world is how you take it." Sounds simple enough, however it is anything but. I've known many people over the years, myself included, who try to fill up the "empty" with various people and things...men who use a series of women to take what they need until they are used up and then on to the next toy...women who devote themselves to everyone and everything around them at the expense of themselves, until there is nothing left of who they are anymore...people who bury their "empty" with drugs, alcohol, sex, risky behavior, material things or anything to get a "high" that masks the black hole of nothingness...and worse, those who hide behind attitudes like, "It is what it is," negating any and all responsibility for changing their own circumstances. I have yet to decide if we allow ourselves to become stuck in, well, whatever we get stuck in due to our own laziness or our fear that our own actions won't be enough to fix ourselves out of that hole. I do, however, know with utmost certainty, that if we wish our lives to be different or we have empty spaces to fill, we are the ones solely responsible for making that happen.

"It is what it is," is a cop-out that denotes we have resigned ourselves to our 'lot in life" and have no power to change it. As I sat in the warm sun, surrounded by family and laughter this Easter Sunday, I soaked up the "happy" and the "peace" emitting from those around me...kids playing in the cool grass, discovering new things all around them, marveled by a pink quartz stone, or flowers in bloom, or ladybugs tucked amidst the violets...lots of hugging...countertops overflowing with good food...homemade cookies...soft Blues playing in the background...a colorful mosaic of laughter, love, renewal and Spring.Alive! Vibrant! Breathtakingly beautiful! "Your life is what you make it, and the world is how  you take it." I'll take mine with cookies, please!

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