Amy M. Schaefer
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From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
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Irish Temper

8/28/2014

2 Comments

 
PictureJack, Unimpressed by my Temper
Yesterday I was taking our puppy, Jack, out for a walk like I do a dozen times a day, and I let him go without a leash. I had a bag of treats in my hand (bunny flavored, he loves bunnies even though he can never catch one), and on most days bribing him to come back with a treat is a safe bet, but not yesterday. Oh, no! He decided that he just had to do his constitutional in the field across the street, so off he scampered, completely ignoring my increasingly louder calls for him and my bag of treats. I finally caught up to him while he was mid-pucker and lugged his fat, fluffy self back home. In the process, I lost my cellphone and boy did my internal dialogue go ballistic (i.e. there was a whole lot of swearing in my mind)! After plopping him back inside, I went in search of my phone, all the while my head full of expletives regarding one very annoying pooch!

Finally, after an hour of scouring through deep, thick weeds, and calling myself a hundred times using the house phone, I found the little red-cased bugger (..and why is it that when you want your phone to ring loud, it doesn't and when you want it to be quiet, it's ridiculously loud???)! I walked home and sat on the bottom step of the deck, cursing the dog, cursing myself for cursing the dog, and crying with equal parts relief and shame. This is how my husband found me when he got home from work. "What's wrong? What happened?" he wanted to know, his face registering concern at my obvious distress. "I am a horrible person," I cried. He shook his head at me. "Why is that?" he wanted to know. "Because I love my phone more than I love our dog!" I sobbed. "He ran away today and when I caught him I lost my phone and all I could think about what how the phone was more valuable to me than the dog! See? That's horrible!" He chuckled gently and asked, "Really? What did you do first, look for the phone or see to Jack's safety?" I sighed. I really hate it when he does that! "Whatever," I said and sucked back the last of my tears.

Later, I was thinking about whether or not I'd truly become a slave to technology (or just a horrible person for getting angry at Jack), when I realized it wasn't the phone at all that I was freaked out about. It was all of the people in my life whom I value that it connects me with. I panicked at the thought of severing that connection (which is leftover baggage from a lifetime of feeling unwanted and needing to be worthy). In truth, I know that those connections are strong, deep, tight (although in a moment of crisis, old wounds say otherwise in my head). I know that those connections have absolutely nothing to do with the phone and if I didn't have the phone any longer, I'd find other ways to nurture those bonds that are so very precious to me. I have forgiven Jack for sending me into a tizzy and I've forgiven my Irish ancestors who are responsible for my sometimes hot temper! I am also eternally grateful for those in my life who love me in spite of said temper and who are patient with me, willingly talking me down from the ledge. Note to self: take the dog out on a leash from now on and leave the phone in the house!

2 Comments
Yvette Aldrich
9/2/2014 08:01:40 am

Ok, now I know Jack is such a sweet puppy and I love him to pieces, but I think I would have been pretty upset over the phone. Mostly it would be because I hate having to set up a new one and learning all the bells and whistles. I love that Brad had such a great approach to your distress! He knows you so well! Sit on the deck tonight and listen for the "special" wind. It is coming from my heart to tell you that you are loved.

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Amy M. Schaefer
9/2/2014 10:04:38 am

I sat on the deck, tears streaming down my face as I soaked in the love I could feel you sending. Thank you for giving me permission to sometimes be a crazy person. Thank you for loving me in all things and showing me that love in so many ways! Our "special wind" is the magic that happens FROM love and Lord have mercy how grateful I am to have it and you in my life.

Always,
A.

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    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

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  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery