Irish Temper

Jack, Unimpressed by my Temper

Yesterday I was taking our puppy, Jack, out for a walk like I do a dozen times a day, and I let him go without a leash. I had a bag of treats in my hand (bunny flavored, he loves bunnies even though he can never catch one), and on most days bribing him to come back with a treat is a safe bet, but not yesterday. Oh, no! He decided that he just had to do his constitutional in the field across the street, so off he scampered, completely ignoring my increasingly louder calls for him and my bag of treats. I finally caught up to him while he was mid-pucker and lugged his fat, fluffy self back home. In the process, I lost my cellphone and boy did my internal dialogue go ballistic (i.e. there was a whole lot of swearing in my mind)! After plopping him back inside, I went in search of my phone, all the while my head full of expletives regarding one very annoying pooch!

Finally, after an hour of scouring through deep, thick weeds, and calling myself a hundred times using the house phone, I found the little red-cased bugger (..and why is it that when you want your phone to ring loud, it doesn't and when you want it to be quiet, it's ridiculously loud???)! I walked home and sat on the bottom step of the deck, cursing the dog, cursing myself for cursing the dog, and crying with equal parts relief and shame. This is how my husband found me when he got home from work. "What's wrong? What happened?" he wanted to know, his face registering concern at my obvious distress. "I am a horrible person," I cried. He shook his head at me. "Why is that?" he wanted to know. "Because I love my phone more than I love our dog!" I sobbed. "He ran away today and when I caught him I lost my phone and all I could think about what how the phone was more valuable to me than the dog! See? That's horrible!" He chuckled gently and asked, "Really? What did you do first, look for the phone or see to Jack's safety?" I sighed. I really hate it when he does that! "Whatever," I said and sucked back the last of my tears.

Later, I was thinking about whether or not I'd truly become a slave to technology (or just a horrible person for getting angry at Jack), when I realized it wasn't the phone at all that I was freaked out about. It was all of the people in my life whom I value that it connects me with. I panicked at the thought of severing that connection (which is leftover baggage from a lifetime of feeling unwanted and needing to be worthy). In truth, I know that those connections are strong, deep, tight (although in a moment of crisis, old wounds say otherwise in my head). I know that those connections have absolutely nothing to do with the phone and if I didn't have the phone any longer, I'd find other ways to nurture those bonds that are so very precious to me. I have forgiven Jack for sending me into a tizzy and I've forgiven my Irish ancestors who are responsible for my sometimes hot temper! I am also eternally grateful for those in my life who love me in spite of said temper and who are patient with me, willingly talking me down from the ledge. Note to self: take the dog out on a leash from now on and leave the phone in the house!

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