I'm Not Good at Goodbyes

One thing I learned very early in my husband's military career is to cherish every friendship and relationship you make. Say the things you need to say to people you love because nobody knows what "tomorrow" will bring and you might never have another chance. Frequently military life is filled with a series of goodbyes as people get orders and move away. And I mean civilian life is not much different. We change jobs (or others do), move to different places leaving neighbors and/or friends behind. I remember a boss I had not too long after I moved back to my hometown who, for the short time I was working for him, was a light in some dark times. His happy, funny personality, quick smile, and shared love of the Blues reminded me that Hope wasn't so far away and provided proof that there were still a lot of good people in the world at a time when it seemed they were in rare supply.

 When my youngest daughter joined the Navy and moved away, in the back of my mind I was thinking, "If I see her twice a year for the next twenty years that's only forty times I'll see her again in my life!" Considering she'd been a daily part of my world for the first eighteen years of her life, this was NOT a happy thought, even though I was over the Moon with the joy of what the future holds for her. Still, she is and always will be my baby, so letting go, saying goodbye. hurts like crazy.​ 

Of course, if you think about it, in the span of a simple day, you may cross paths with a hundred people, or more, that you'll probably never see again. To combat this harsh truth and my own situational awareness (and to keep from driving myself absolutely bonkers), I stay current in the lives of those military connections I've made over the years, friends who are like my family, through social media, celebrating their highs and lows from a distance but just as fervently. And I keep close others, as well, who've become dear to me through the internet or jobs I've worked. I've even reconnected to people I knew in high school, building friendships that are more relevant and mature due to time, age, and personal growth. One of those friends, a lovely lady named April, reached out to me after she found out she had breast cancer and we talked, laughed and built a lovely connection deeper than anything we'd ever had in high school, before she lost her battle. God, how I cherish the moments and memories we got the opportunity to share before she was gone.

Several weeks ago as I was scrolling randomly through social media, a pop-up list of "People You Might Know" came up and in it was the brother of a man I'd briefly dated in high school. Out of curiosity I clicked on it and as I was reading various things from his page, I discovered that his brother (that charming boy I'd dated so long ago) had died. "What? Wait, that can't be right," I thought and began looking for more details. Eventually I found his obituary and read it a dozen times thinking there must have been a mistake. But of course there wasn't. He hadn't even made it to his 50th birthday. Not long after I moved back to my hometown, I got a friend request from David. After I added him, we started catching up. We talked about all of the things we'd done in the years that had passed and shared memories about how  young and stupid we were "back in the day". It was fun seeing him as a grandfather. He was adorable with those precious babies and I enjoyed teasing him about it. He got to return the ribbing as I joined him in the "Grandparent Club" in 2015. He was so supportive of my writing career. He always read my blogs and frequently would message me once I posted a new one and we'd talk about them. He was also blown away (and pretty much said so, verbatim) when I told him that I had based a character in my new novel about him. I told him that the character would continue to grow and play a bigger role as the series went on. And when my novel debuted, he was one of the first to purchase it. He even wrote the second review I received and reading it was pure joy (see below). I was so happy that in the absence of time we'd spent, he'd built a loving, wonderful life for himself. I was also so appreciative of his staunch support. As my father's condition worsened, David and I spoke less frequently and by the time my father passed away, we had gone many months without contact. I lost my father in April of 2017 and David died months later in October. I have wondered often since our last conversation what was happening in his life, but I assumed when he was ready, he'd tell me. What was happening was...he was gone, and I didn't know. 

I sit here now racking my brain, wondering if over the years I've said all the things I need to say to those who've passed through my life and had such a powerful impact. It is important to me that they know. I mentally scroll through my mind, contemplating harsh words I've shared with others, wondering if I apologized when my words might have hurt them and made amends when and where I could. And as for David, I didn't get to say goodbye, but I know there was never a harsh word between us, even when we broke up all those years ago. I know that he was aware of the impact he made in my life and that I was genuinely happy about the man he'd become. As for the rest, I just remain diligently mindful of the people I have contact with, remembering that there is no promise for tomorrow and taking great care with what I say to each of them "today".

Review from David on my book Desperate Measures (he gave it five out of five stars):

titanboss reviewed on on July 20, 2014
After reading the book,it was something I would definitely recommend. If you like Clancy or Ludlum you will like Schaefer. The author had a unique way of writing the story that is a believable fiction. Instead of the lead characters being a super spy with a million gadgets or IQ of 175 hers were again believable. Lead character Abby is someone a normal reader could relate to. Caught in a uncompromising position that is realistic to the reader and gives you the sense of what would I do in that situation. The book does and will keep you on the edge and wanting more. It was an outstanding first offering and very good read. Eagerly awaiting the broad canvas Amy will interpret as Abby travels to Italy.
(reviewed 20 days after purchase)