Go in the Direction of Your Dreams...

Image @ glogster.com

On December 31, 2014 that is what I named this year..."Go in the Direction of Your Dreams." As 2015 comes to an end, I've been thinking a lot about what that looks like and wondering just how true I've been to a yearly theme I chose myself. Have I honored the spirit of those words? It's funny how you think you know what your dreams are but upon closer examination, they really weren't that at all. Or maybe that just happens to me. When I was a child, I dreamed of a loving, stable home life where I felt safe, secure to be all of who I am without judgements or conditions. What I've learned is that in order to have that, I must actively participate in creating it. In fact, I must be the master craftsman of that foundation if it is ever going to hold firm.

I have always (or as long as I can remember) dreamed of living a life that matters and making a positive difference in the world. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to accomplish this, but I knew it was important for me. What I've learned is that being a positive difference in the world does not have to be grandiose. Some of the biggest changes in ourselves and others begins very small, with something as simple as learning how to keep true kindness in your heart. Sounds simple enough, but people sure don't make that easy. I am, in fact, quite amazed at how much I've allowed others the power to derail me through disappointment, or unrealistic expectations, or even by them doing things that hurt me, whether intentionally or not. Taking back my power has not been easy and I still struggle with it sometimes when it comes to something or someone that is particularly important to me, but I'm learning how to do it no matter what the circumstances. And I'm learning how to not allow my own sense of a loving nature be destroyed by pain.

I have always wanted a soulmate by my side, and it makes me smile to think I've discovered over this year that soulmates come in many forms. I have had more than one by my side the entire time, only I was too blind to SEE them. I have dreamed of "the mate" for me, only to discover this year that he'd been sleeping next to me every night and patiently waiting on his bench for me to catch up.

I dreamed of being a writer, and now that dream is in full swing. It has not turned out the way I imagined, but it is still one of the most amazing experiences I have ever been a part of. It's very strange to me how the foundation of this career I'm building is on the proverbial back of my life's narrative by way of this blog. That is a gift I wasn't expecting that still makes me pretty emotional. And even though there have been some serious disappointments along the way, they have not deterred me even a tiny bit. I can't wait to see how this career will continue to grow!

Now that I've reached the "end" (or the realization) of those dreams that have been building for a lifetime, I find myself...well, all out of dreams. At first, this depressed me greatly! But watching both of my daughters grown and beginning to chase dreams of their own is inspiring. They have shown me that the end of one set of dreams merely marks the beginning of new ones. They also remind me that when coming up with said dreams, I should get out of my own way and go as BIG as I dare! It turns out, when I do that my dare is ginormous! The tricky part is figuring out how to make them real. I am, however, less afraid of my ability to do so than at any other point in my life! While it is almost time to leave 2015 behind, there are new opportunities ahead that make me flat out excited to be alive!