Get Over It Already

This has been on my mind a lot today and my memory conjures up the great losses along my timeline, but the one that changed me the most was when I lost myself. Maybe I hadn't even really started the task of building myself until I woke up one morning to the realization that I'd become utterly, completely dead inside and didn't want to live that way anymore. That void of nothingness I'd become was worse than being dead in truth. The shell I'd turned in to walked around, interacted with others, moved through my days like a "normal" person, but inside was empty, hollow, this black void that nearly took my breath away with its total vacancy. I didn't know how to come back from that or where to even begin. And then the right words, at the right time, spoken by the right person flipped that proverbial invisible switch and voila', I was awake!

At about the same time this happened, I heard the song below for the first time and sobbed. That was exactly how I felt, like I'd been sleeping for a thousand years and honestly I was nearly frantic to hold onto any lifeline just to stay awake. I mean, what if it came back? The void? And I couldn't find my way out again? How could I be sure that I didn't go back into the Dead Zone? I wish the answer was easy, but it's totally not. The truth is in order to be present in your life every single day, you have to choose to be there. In order to avoid feeling nothing, you have to risk feeling everything (...and believe me, it's quite a risk). Losing myself made me appreciate when I found myself again more than I can ever express. It has made me grateful and sympathetic to the fact that everyone we meet is, or has gone through their own battles. Grateful, because I know now that I am not, nor was I ever alone. Sympathetic, because I know how difficult and scary that place was for me, so I am more likely to deal with others with kindness, even when they make it hard to do. During my time asleep, I lost track of the number of people who told me I needed to just "get over it, already". That attitude now infuriates me. I find it insulting and marginalizing to those who are suffering, well, whatever it is they're suffering. I "got over it" with help, love, and kindness and my heart aches for those I know who've never gotten over the battles they were fighting. I am still learning all of the nuances of the "creature" I've become, most of which was inside of me already, and maybe that's exactly as it should be...growing, evolving all the days of our lives. Not all of those changes are easy, but at least I'm awake. I'm sure I am awake because now I feel everything so much more potently, see the world in colours I don't even have the words to name, and feel the pull to FLY in my life every single day, like some wild call enticing my soul. It is glorious!