Amy M. Schaefer
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From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
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Easy Like Sunday Morning

7/31/2016

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Picture
Image by my friend Amateur Photographer Janet Hoots...and while this is clearly a sunSET, it captures the "fire" I spoke of near the end.
I move around the kitchen before sunrise, quietly doing dishes from the party the night before. It's funny how such a normally mundane task can feel quite lovely in the wake of a chaotic, anything-but-normal, virtual waking nightmare of a week. Just hot soapy water against the crystal wine glass gives me a tiny scrap of peace, a gift that has been in short supply of late. I've checked on the sleeping baby and my conked out husband before slipping out onto the deck and watching the sky turn every shade of pastel. Even as I wonder why the heck I'm up so early, I am glad for the respite.

The mountain man's condition has improved, but to what extent and for how long remains a mystery. I am relieved that his suffering has been eased, especially in light of the fact that he despised being hospitalized, even if it was his choice. Yielding results he can feel good about was the goal and that was accomplished. I don't know what's ahead...and let's be real, nobody does. I only know I am bracing myself as best I can, because this moment is the eye of the storm that's all around, a storm that will break with a vengeance before long, leaving God knows what debris in its wake.

Twenty-four hours of normal and a morning that began too early, but is tender, easy on my bruised spirit...I'll take it and be grateful. I wonder if I have the strength of character to face what's coming with Grace, especially with the years-built-up bouts of fury lurking in dark places, stewing like some boiling cauldron dangerously close to spilling over. Aunt Mattie would have been meticulously kind, infinitely forgiving, and make both of those look effortless. I am not her, even though at times like this I desperately wish I were. I struggle to be the best version of myself every single day and to be someone SHE would be proud of. It's probably okay that in my worst moments, I must repeat over and over in my head, "Do the loving thing, Amy. Do the loving thing." I'm sure nobody would hold it against me if they knew I needed to psyche myself out on occasion. Perhaps that just makes me ridiculously human, and flawed. I look to the sky, the sun now rising like fire over the horizon and sacrifice my insecurities on a cosmic alter in the flames of starry morning light.
1 Comment
Janet Hoots
7/31/2016 06:19:52 am

Absolute <3

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    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

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  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery