Don't Blink

Hannah Getting Her First Bath, 1992

"Legacy is not what's left tomorrow when you're gone. It's what you give, create, impact, and contribute today while you're here that then happens to live on." ~Rasheed Ogunlaru

Five minutes ago (...not really, but it feels that way), I held the little beauty in this photo in my arms. My oldest daughter, Hannah, was 9 1/2 weeks premature and came into this world in a frightening flurry of unpredictable outcomes. Was she going to be healthy? Would she survive? How could we help her? So many things were uncertain, but some things I knew without a doubt. I knew that I'd devote my life to ensuring her health, happiness, and well-being, and I'd die to protect her. Then I blinked and she was grown. I wanted to shout to the sky, "WAIT! I wasn't ready! Can we rewind time a bit, please?" But it doesn't work that way. Time ticks forward, ever moving and no matter how hard we try to capture a moment, hold it tightly to us, that forward progress is utterly unstoppable.

Today I stood in a doctor's office while Hannah had her initial ob/gyn appointment (..speculation at the moment is that she's 13 weeks pregnant, with a due date of 19 August). She is carrying my first grandchild and I got choked up at just the thought of hearing the heartbeat. I bit back my panic, forcing it into silence while I patiently stood by her. The midwife was firing questions at her about family history and all I could think about was, I am not ready for this. She is not ready for this, and yet as I type this, a beautiful new life is growing inside her. I'm fairly certain I gave all of the necessary responses for the midwife to fill in the blanks, which is a miracle. I feel like I'm holding my breath, waiting, hoping, praying harder than I've ever prayed...for all to be well. I'm afraid for my daughter, her beau and my grandchild, but excited, too. I can't wait to meet this new little person and get to know him or her (...and spoil that little one completely rotten). Today my Faith is much bigger than my fear, and for that I am extremely grateful! I am thankful, too, that the father of her baby wishes to love, nurture and protect my daughter and the child she's carrying. Their path won't be an easy one. Lots of things can go wrong, but that's life. I have confidence, however, in the ability of my daughter and her beau to overcome whatever difficulties lay ahead. I'll be rooting for their resounding success!

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