Dirty Little Secrets

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The household I grew up in was firmly planted in Southern Baptist rules and ideas, therefore sex was an "off limits" topic. My sex talk was basically as follows, "Don't do it until you're married and even then, don't like it. It's an unclean act for the purpose of procreation. Period. Any question?" I had about a million questions, but wouldn't have dared ask them to any of the adults I knew. Instead, I kept my curiosity and feelings about it tightly locked away and felt shame about anything I found exciting. And that was as it should be, right? Shameful thoughts buried deep so that people wouldn't think I was a bad person but still made me a sinner bound for hell for just thinking them, right? Wrong! Whew! It took me a whole lot of years to be able to admit that and even more to actually embrace my passionate side and allow myself to just feel sexy.

I get it. I'm a mother and I also taught Sex Ed. It's uncomfortable to talk about. The questions kids ask can be embarrassing. Giving them truthful answers can be even more so. But the alternative is much worse, as one way or another kids will take in messages about sex and form their own opinions, which is even more dangerous in this day and age of social media, explicit materials at the touch of a button or the click from a phone. Sooner, rather than later, we all become schooled in the topic of the birds and the bees. With my own girls, we kept an open dialog, where no subject was taboo, no harsh judgments were made, and I was mindful of never making my girls feel ashamed no matter what they asked or told me. And to the teacher who told my daughter and her class that abstinence was the way to go, I apologize for the awkward moment when she boldly proclaimed that her mama told her, "I wouldn't buy a car before I took it on a test drive." Yes, I did say that to her, but I also said that when you really love someone and are considering spending the rest of your life together, intimacy is important and you should know in advance if the two of you are compatible in that way. Perhaps a lot of parents will disagree with me on taking that stance, but that's O.K. It was important to me that my girls be secure enough in their own sexuality to not be ashamed about their desires in a committed, loving relationship. No dirty little secrets, just raw honesty in all things, including passion!

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