Day Ninety-five: Cliffhanger

I've been asking myself all day...what does it mean to be brave? Taking a risk having kids? Totally brave. Standing up for what you believe in, even if it might get you fired? Very courageous. Men and women who lace 'em up (i.e. our armed forces, military, police, firefighters) and run into the face danger while most people run the other way? Gold standard in bravery. But, like, what does bravery look like in the smaller decisions we make on a daily basis, or in folks who are just ordinary and not the aforementioned decisive heroes? This question has plagued me since the moment I opened my eyes this morning and just doesn't want to let go.

On any given day we are faced with a myriad of choices, most of which require very little risk or thought on our part. Some part of us, however, is still always doing a risk/reward assessment. How much do we want that sweet treat and is it worth hours in the gym afterwards (...or the spot it will take up on our ass if we don't go to the gym)? How much of our heart are we willing to lay raw for the sake of love (...especially if it's been broken a time or two and the sting hasn't completely worn off) or a dream that seems utterly unattainable? Do we do what is "safe" or "easy" for the sake of protecting ourselves, or should we take risks, especially the BIG ones that leave us feeling vulnerable and exposed?

Cliches' flood my mind..."Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Go big, or stay home. In the end, we only regret the chances we didn't take." My mother was fearless, but reckless. Mama Schaefer was fearless, but meticulous and took her risks with a measure of calculation. Aunt Mattie was fearless but also selfless, always putting the welfare of others first, frequently at the expense of her own desires and dreams. Nana was fearless and driven, her path determined by those depending on her to make it as smooth as possible (...a task she did with dogged determination). Am I brave? Where do I fit in on the scale of all these important ladies who came before me? These things have yet to be determined with any measurable accuracy, but I am sitting on the precipice of that cliff of personal growth and discovery waiting to see what will emerge. Today I'm very happy I have a pair of wings.

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