Day Eighty-nine: Reminder from an Angel

From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor. It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone! (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)

Day Eighty-nine: Reminder from an Angel

1/30/2015

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I think we struggle all the days of our lives with defining who we are...good, bad, kind, compassionate, bitter, angry, etc. Have we made the "right" decisions? Are we living a life true to our spirit? And what do any of those things even mean? Society has its own laundry list of what it considers to be "living a proper life". Organized religion weighs in on this as well, defining for us whom to love, how to love, giving us a list of "right" behaviours and warning of the potential dire consequences if we do not conform. What neither of those entities do is factor in our sheer humanness. There's no getting around the fact that we are messy creatures, mostly just doing the best we can in a world full of chaos, hate, bigotry, injustice, mixed messages, bad information, and expectations that none of us could possibly completely live up to.

I have spent most of my life trying to "do right" in this mad, mad world and discovered with complete certainty that no matter how "good" I am, someone (...often more than one someone) is going to judge me and find me lacking in some way. I have frequently given in to those judgements, sacrificing bits and pieces of who I am in the spirit of conformity to someone else's mold. As I write this today, I can clearly see the warm, loving face of Mama Schaefer looking over my shoulder. She's been gone almost a year, but I still feel her presence with me strong and sure, hear her words whispered to me in the quiet spaces of my day. She tells me, "...in life the only thing you really have to lose is yourself when you neglect to truly LIVE, which is not the same as merely existing." She reminds me that as long as I'm alive, it's not too late to do anything! And I swear, when my time on Earth is done, I will NOT be on my deathbed with a head full of "shoulda, coulda, woulda" wishes. I will be eagerly awaiting what comes next, while being grateful for every precious moment I got to have in this life. And you can bet the final words to pass my lips will be, "Man, WHAT a ride!"

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About The Author

I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

From the Front Porch