Can you outgrow cheese curls?

My 9th birthday, 1978...behind me is Uncle Homer, Aunt Mattie & Uncle Hugh sitting in the chair

"No child should ever have their innocence eaten by a monster." ~A. Schaefer

Today is the official start of summer break for the kids around here (...the teachers still have a week left). So, I'm sitting here eating a celebratory lunch in honor of this happy summertime ritual. I made a bologna sandwich with mustard and opened a little bag of UTZ Cheese Curls to go with it. That first bite of crunchy cheesy goodness and I was immediately transported back to the summer I returned to North Carolina for a visit after a hellish year of living in Texas with my mother. Of all my childhood summers this one stands out the most, as it was the most pivotal in my young life. Later when I was grown, Aunt Mattie told me that was the year she got old. I can relate, as it was the first time in my life I became fully aware that those who are supposed to protect us don't always do a good job. Worse, sometimes those who are supposed to protect us are the ones we need protection from the most. It was a difficult and frightening lesson to learn, especially because at that time I didn't have much faith in my ability to protect myself, but somebody had to do it, so I gave it my best shot and prayed a LOT. In fact it has taken me many years to become mostly proficient at the task of being the hero in my own story. My cape is pretty tattered and we won't even go into the tights situation! Let's just leave it at the fact that I'm slightly above marginal in the superhero department.  

As for those happy things I remember from the summer of 1978, they are:

• being hugged tight by Aunt Mattie, who was genuinely happy to see me
• the sounds of our old "tick-tock" clock, that chimed every half hour and reminded me I was "safe" (although safer is a better word, as I was never completely safe)
• chasing and catching lightning bugs at dusk in the front yard
• spending hours on the porch playing or swinging while Aunt Mattie sat nearby shelling peas, snapping beans, or shucking corn
• Mattie making me eggs or letting me have Fruit Loops for breakfast (...and often she let me have both)
• spending hot summer afternoons at Polo Pool with my little cousin, Chris (...although I was terrified of the water after my mother's idiot boyfriend nearly drowned me)
• my 9th birthday party, which was a family cookout and included many cousins my own age to play with
• being told by my grandmother that my mom said I didn't have to go back to Texas at the end of the summer
• bologna sandwiches and UTZ chips (...that came in a giant yellow tin tub) that Mattie made me for lunch

As I pop the last cheese curl from the bag into my mouth, it tastes too good to allow my mind to dwell on the sad, scary things that also happened. I lick orange, powdered cheese from my fingertips and am grateful for the gentle reminder of happy moments from my childhood delivered by puffed air coated in fake cheese. Later, I'll go to the pool...no longer frightened of the water, and just enjoy the solitude of my almost-summer grown up afternoon!

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