Amy M. Schaefer
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From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
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Blank Pages

1/9/2016

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image from www.huffingtonpost.ca
I stared down at the empty page of a letter I wanted to write to my daughter who is currently going through Officer Candidate School. I didn't know what to say. There are no words left unspoken between us, and she is one of the rare gems in my life who needs few words from me anyway. She knows what is in my heart. She sees what's in my eyes. And it seemed silly to write, "Come home!" I wanted to tell her that what I really need is for someone to figure out how to turn back that damned clock and give me more time with the tiny Freckles, who snuggled in my lap during story time and thought I hung the moon just for her. Logical me knows that's impossible but the mama in me screams, "It wasn't enough time. I didn't get to savor all those fleeting moments and now they are gone."

She's only been away for a couple of weeks, but I slog through mundane events that have happened since she left in order to fill the empty page. I remind her that her big carpet of a dog whines for her at night sometimes and that we are all so proud of her. I want to ask if strangers are yelling at her from morning to night, but merely thinking it makes me angry and ferociously protective, which is silly too, but doesn't stop me from feeling it. I fill the page with inconsequential things knowing that the most important part is the fact that I have reached out to touch her from so many miles away. I hope it will be enough.

It occurs to me that our lives are full of blank pages...days, weeks, months just waiting for us to write our story on them. There was a time, not too long ago, where her story and mine were writing themselves together. Now she's moved on to a book of her own and I go back to writing mine alone. Perhaps that was always the case, our pages merely overlapping for a brief moment. I don't know how my story or the ones each of my daughters is writing for themselves will go. Sometimes the fear of that is like a fist choking me with panic. I've named this year "Fearless", and am determined to keep within the spirit of that frightening prospect of tackling anything, everything up ahead with that kind of gusty. That being said no matter what's up ahead, I will face it, bite back any fears, and make the most of my story. I hope my girls will do the same!
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    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

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  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery