Beauty & The Beast: Letter #3 The Hell of my Own Making

Dear Beast,
Even though I stepped onto this path with you of my own accord, it was far more treacherous than I ever dreamed possible and I stayed on it far too long, although from a philosophical standpoint, I suppose a compelling argument could be made that I stayed on it for exactly the right amount of time to serve its purpose. I spent so much time in the last three years confused, hurt, angry, happy, lost, surrounded, alone, and broken, picking up bits and pieces of me to examine what they were and what spaces they were supposed to fit back into. Meanwhile, you slipped into and out of my "real world" like some overly large faerie, leaving a mess in your wake for me to have to mentally sort out. At first, I tried to use you as my sounding board for all the doubts and worries and confusion I was trying to unravel, but you were so unreliable that I could never find a patch of solid ground to stand on with you. You delighted in constantly keeping me off balance. That turned out to be a blessing, however, as instead I turned to my husband and my daughters and occasionally friends to help me. Holding such a vast amount of issues to deal with alone inside of me was just not an option. So, I poured it out, all of it, like a child scattering a large bin of Legos onto the floor and those I trusted, those in my closest inner circles would "sit" with me regularly to help sort and "rebuild" those blocks. One of the last things you said to me was how "truly ugly" I am. I cannot disagree as I've had my hands on the "ugly" blocks that are part of who I am. But that is not all I am. There is beauty, and light, and love, and hope, and faith, and pain, and broken bits, and dreams, and peace inside of me, as well. This is not the end of my story. It is, however, the end of our story. Some who read this will look for the villain and the hero. And some who read it will find them. But what I see when I look at this particular part of my story is a journey with Beauty and the Beast inside of me, inside of you, inside us all. We are all a walking, living, breathing collection of stories. And while this one did not end in any "happily ever after," it leaves in its aftermath a stronger footing to stand on, to walk on, for the future. Three years...three letters...and a whole lot of road surrounded by right dirt up ahead. I don't know what I will find there, but I hope it, too, makes for one amazing story after another.
                                                                                Signed,
                                                                                Beauty AND the Beast

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