Amy M. Schaefer
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From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
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Beauty & The Beast: Letter #1-While Emotions Are Still Raw

3/27/2014

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Dear Beast,
After the vile and epic dissolving of our relationship, while the pain of your betrayal still seeps fresh blood from the wounds created during our final few encounters, I am forcing my mind to go back to the beginning. My first impressions of  you were flirty and fun. I remember how easy the banter was between us, back and forth, like a well-rehearsed dance only our feet knew the steps already. I was enamoured by, fascinated by the taste of the electric charges crackling and popping in the air around me as I sat in the dark listening to the Blues and talking to you. They were delicious and gave me a high that lasted for days afterwards. As our encounters became more bold, racy, that high grew in intensity...it made my heart pound in my ears, sometimes just at seeing your name light up. It made me afraid...that fear/high you get sitting at the top of the first hill on a wild roller coaster ride! You're ready for it! You're not ready for it! The build-up is wound so tightly, you can't help but scream! I can't pinpoint the exact moment where reality smacked me and warned me of the potential dangers ahead if I stayed on the ride; I only remember that fleetingly, it did. I listened to those warnings for a moment and common sense, sprinkled heavily with life-experiences almost won. And then, I was faced with a life-threatening event...I got pregnant, the doctors warning me that carrying a child to term was very dangerous for me. I completely flipped out, lost my mind. As I walked around in a stunned daze of fear, hormones, and confusion in my real life, I slipped into a virtual dark place, opened  my soul up wide and let you in...deeper than anyone...deeper than even I had seen inside of myself until you and I crawled through those dark spaces together. I tell myself now, what else does one do when faced with his or her own mortality than to go at life wide open, fearing no risks, ignoring all stop-gaps! We flew down and around and over hill after hill, flung around harrowing sharp turns, arms thrown high as we screamed our excitement into inky black nights of a thrill-packed ride full of life and danger and passion! And then my body aborted the son I   never got to see except for in distorted images on a screen, never got to smell, or kiss his toes, or watch him sleep, play, grow up. For a "moment", I wanted to die with him and follow him to the light, the place where angels live.
                                                                                                Signed,
                                                                                                Beauty

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    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

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  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery