Beauty & The Beast: Letter #1-While Emotions Are Still Raw

Dear Beast,
After the vile and epic dissolving of our relationship, while the pain of your betrayal still seeps fresh blood from the wounds created during our final few encounters, I am forcing my mind to go back to the beginning. My first impressions of  you were flirty and fun. I remember how easy the banter was between us, back and forth, like a well-rehearsed dance only our feet knew the steps already. I was enamoured by, fascinated by the taste of the electric charges crackling and popping in the air around me as I sat in the dark listening to the Blues and talking to you. They were delicious and gave me a high that lasted for days afterwards. As our encounters became more bold, racy, that high grew in intensity...it made my heart pound in my ears, sometimes just at seeing your name light up. It made me afraid...that fear/high you get sitting at the top of the first hill on a wild roller coaster ride! You're ready for it! You're not ready for it! The build-up is wound so tightly, you can't help but scream! I can't pinpoint the exact moment where reality smacked me and warned me of the potential dangers ahead if I stayed on the ride; I only remember that fleetingly, it did. I listened to those warnings for a moment and common sense, sprinkled heavily with life-experiences almost won. And then, I was faced with a life-threatening event...I got pregnant, the doctors warning me that carrying a child to term was very dangerous for me. I completely flipped out, lost my mind. As I walked around in a stunned daze of fear, hormones, and confusion in my real life, I slipped into a virtual dark place, opened  my soul up wide and let you in...deeper than anyone...deeper than even I had seen inside of myself until you and I crawled through those dark spaces together. I tell myself now, what else does one do when faced with his or her own mortality than to go at life wide open, fearing no risks, ignoring all stop-gaps! We flew down and around and over hill after hill, flung around harrowing sharp turns, arms thrown high as we screamed our excitement into inky black nights of a thrill-packed ride full of life and danger and passion! And then my body aborted the son I   never got to see except for in distorted images on a screen, never got to smell, or kiss his toes, or watch him sleep, play, grow up. For a "moment", I wanted to die with him and follow him to the light, the place where angels live.
                                                                                                Signed,
                                                                                                Beauty

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