A Whole Mess of Matrimony

15 August 1987, Hubby & his Best Man

15 August 1987, Clueless Bride

15 August 1987, The Mess Begins

Twenty-eight years ago today I spent my Friday running around like a crazy person trying to finish the last details for my wedding day on Saturday. I was nervous, but mostly about the ceremony itself, not really thinking about the life beyond that flashpoint. And honestly, I was very ill-prepared for what came next. I was an eighteen year old high school graduate, whose biggest dream was to marry the love of my life and get as far away as possible from a broken mess of a childhood. In my rush to run away, I didn't even bother to look where I was going and stepped into an even bigger mess...Matrimony! Had I known then what was up ahead, I'd have probably totally pulled a Runaway Bride and headed for the hills. I'm really glad I didn't, as that would have been an epic mistake. Back then I thought that love would see us through whatever challenges we'd face and in that detail, at least, I wasn't wrong, although it's a bit more complicated than that. Love alone does not "see you through". If any marriage is going to make it, there's plenty of HaRD work involved, mixed with healthy doses of stubborn, forgiveness, tenacity, and investment. The love part is a given...the rest is a choice, one you must both make over and over again.

Glad I Brought A Gun Slinger Along

How many mistakes can one relationship withstand before it crumbles beneath the weight of the pile up? Turns out the answer to that question is A LOT! If there's a secret to making it work, to rebuilding when you inevitably break things it's this...treat each other as if you were best friends and planned on remaining that way. It also doesn't hurt to embrace the WILD West spirit that frequently accompanies that matrimony thing. You know, the whole "keep following on the adventure no matter what hardships or crazy tangles you come across" thing. My husband is a Master of both these. He is also a man that truly practices the art of unconditional love and never gives up on the people or things he wants. He's also a mighty fine shot, when necessary (which can come in quite handy out on the trail). Even though he can be ferocious, he's got a gentle soul and would never intentionally harm those he loves. Every time he's hurt me, he's worked doggedly to make it right and fix what he broke. This is a trait about him I admire greatly! He is not intimidated by my wild spirit or strong will, but he doesn't allow me or anyone else to walk all over him. He knows how to lovingly quiet my hot temper and constantly reminds me not to be too hard on myself when I make mistakes (...because I'm such a Type A personality, I can be a bit ridiculous about beating myself up over them). Slowly, with great patience, he is coaxing out my carefree, frivolous side and giving her a safe place to play. 

Twenty-eight years of this big, muddy, gloppy marital mess and yet my world just flat out does not make sense without him. It's easy to choose someone when they're at their very best. It's a different thing entirely when you see someone at their worst and still gladly choose them over anyone else in the world. Thanks for not giving up on me, my Salty Bones man. I choose you, today and every day that follows.

"Why do you wanna be married to me, anyway?" "So I can kiss you anytime I want." ~from the movie Sweet Home Alabama