Amy M. Schaefer
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From the Front Porch

I am an "accidental blogger". When I launched my writing career in March of 2014, one of the things that I decided to include was my journaling, which I have always found to be a comforting and therapeutic endeavor.  It was a big risk to open myself up in such a public forum, but it has taught me that, for the most part, we share far more experiences than we think. It's comforting to know I'm not alone!  (*the "Button Text" is the link to my first novel)
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A Heavy Heart & No Good Options

11/9/2015

2 Comments

 
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Sometimes life hands you a problem with a clusterfuck of options (pardon the language). Logic says, "Pick the one that is the least horrible," but what do you do when a life is at stake? It's at least marginally easier to choose the lesser of bad options when there isn't something utterly critical on the line. When, however, the consequences and/or outcome could seriously cost a life, that becomes much more difficult. Today I feel lost under the huge weight of this particular problem in my life, which for legal reasons I cannot explain in any detail. For the purposes of my writing, thankfully the specifics are not necessary. I believe that most people will understand the magnitude of such a choice without the specifics, in fact be able to insert their own "problem like this" that they've come across in their lifetime. What I'd like to know is, what did you DO about it?

I have heard a lot of, "you're doing what you can" or "just do the best you can", and I'd totally be okay with that if I was the only one who'd suffer the consequences if I get this wrong. Whatever outcome, I'm tough enough to handle any fallout. The person who will bear the brunt of decisions made in regards to the matter I'm wrestling with now, however, is only seven. And regardless of what my part is in all of this, he is going to pay a HEAVY price (and has, in fact, already been doing that). "This is not your responsibility," people have said to me. To my mind, though, that does not absolve me of his present, nor his future. And even if I could ignore the situation when it wasn't "in my face", I'd still close my eyes and be able to see his sweet little boy self with crystal clarity. A little boy who is counting on the world not to squash him to dust under its boot before he gets the chance to become a man...a little boy who told me someday he wants to be a police officer...a little boy who deserves to be "rescued", like the thousands of other children who find themselves in a similar situation around the globe. And me...without a cape or superpowers. Damn it all!
2 Comments
Tami Walendzak
11/9/2015 02:44:38 pm

I have been dealing with this type of thing for several years now. I made HARD choices, right or wrong, I did. Whether or not something will come from those choices, only time will tell.. I Love you

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Amy Marie Schaefer
11/10/2015 11:05:05 am

Thank you for sharing that, Tami. I love you, too! Very much!

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    About The Author

    I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter.

    Since then, I have learned to reach well beyond what I ever dared to think was possible. I've learned not to allow fear to stop me from whatever future I want to create!

    What keeps me grounded? My Tribe! What provides the wind beneath my wings? A well of reserves filled with unstoppable passion!

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  • Amy M. Schaefer, Writer
  • Blog: From the Front Porch
  • Novels
  • Short Stories
    • Children's Books
  • About the Author
  • Contact
  • Photo & Art Gallery