 24 July 2015 It is so strange to me that the more I open up those scabby old wounds or even the fresh ones that still hurt to touch, the more of my power I reclaim. I have no idea how that works, only that I can vividly feel it happening and it's pretty damn amazing! For example, last night after discussing with my husband and daughter the "worst picture of my life", I sat out on the front steps of our house under a sky filled with stars completely floored at how lighthearted I felt! At one point I thought to myself, "why the hell didn't I do this before now?", but the truth is I wasn't ready. No matter how many times people tell us to just get over something, we don't do so until it is OUR time...and for some things that time never comes, we merely learn to live around whatever it "is" we cannot forget. Thankfully, though, most things we can and do overcome!
Today I feel more powerful than I have in my entire life. My mind has bounced around all morning to the faces of those I've given my power to over the years, those who've "taken" something from me or caused me intentional harm and like some wild, ancient warrior woman I have taken it back. Ever see those Highlander movies? It feels a bit like when the highlander kills another immortal and gets an immediate infusion of their magical powers. I know, that sounds absolutely silly, but by way of descriptions it's the best I've got. Over-dramatic descriptions notwithstanding, I am reclaiming power I've allowed others to mismanage. I am setting more concrete boundaries of what I will and won't allow. I am also reminding myself that just because I love someone, they don't get a blank check in my life. Not everyone we love is worthy of our heart, but we feel it, give it anyway, even if we know we must protect ourselves from those people and give them a very wide berth in our lives. That's the one that always trips me up. ALWAYS. And when I've allowed it, it never fails to end up costing me way more than I should have had to pay. Not anymore. If I let you in, try not to break anything (...and if you break something, I'd appreciate it if you'd fix it. Gorilla glue works great!). If I give you parts of me that are precious and you're careless with them, you can bet your ass I'll be taking them back! Love is not a free pass and our power is extremely important. I will be extremely mindful of whom I allow a dose of either in the future. May your weekend be full of lighthearted joy! Always, A.
2 Comments
Marie
7/24/2015 04:27:45 am
Amy, you are my inspiration!! So many times your writing is so raw and it speaks right to my heart. I know I do not say it enough or comment enough, but please know you have such an impact on me. I feel as though your heart speaks to mine.
Amy Marie Schaefer
7/24/2015 04:54:27 am
Marie, Leave a Reply. |
About The Author
I grew up in rural North Carolina. When I was only nineteen, I moved away and became a military wife. My only aspiration at that tender time in my life was to create an adult life that "fixed" all of the "injustices" of my childhood. Secretly, however, I wanted to reach for the sky! I wanted to be a writer and find ways to "save the world" (my mother used to say, "You have Save the World Syndrome".). Mostly, I wanted to matter. Archives
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